Fort Collins Bike Rant

Powerline Road - Ginny Loop

2012-03-04T17:22:00.000-08:00

Wow. 60 degrees and sunny today. Time to put the fixie in the quiver and pull out the 575. It was such a nice peaceful day. Wonderful stuff.

Well I thought I'd take the opportunity to finish blogging this ride since it was so nice. By finally blogging this loop, I feel like I've completed some task that needed to be done. Really, no task actually existed, but now that this one is in the books, I don't think I'll ever carry a camera or gps up to Bobcat Ridge again for a long, long time. Sick.

As I said before, the best way to ride Ginny Trail is as an out and back. It's faster, funner, and easier. If you decide to loop this ride by going up Powerline Road, through Mahoney Basin, and down Ginny, it's a bit longer and the climb is more difficult. That being said, the traverse across from the top of Powerline to the top of Ginny through the Mahoney Basin is a really scenic, fun, and relaxing rip. Pretty much all the hard stuff is done at the top of the Powerline and everything back to the parking lot is a fuckin blast. If anyone can clean this Powerline climb, I'll buy em a bottle of top-shelf bourbon. It's insane.

Todays Ride: Aziz Ansari and Kathleen Madigan.

Photos of the gnarly climb...

1st climb I can't clean

2nd climb I can't clean

Third climb I can't clean. That was a tough 1000 feet. Go try it!

Mahoney Basin...

Once you get to this signpost its all gravy from here on out..

The trail meanders through a bunch of cool boulder fields

The west face of Horsetooth rock in the distance

Still snowy on the North facing climb out of the basin

Last night I was bored and grabbed my copy of the Watchmen off my bookshelf and got sucked into that world again for the following 5 hours. It is one of the best books I've ever read. I decided to stop at the rock outcropping above and bust it out and sit at the top of this mountain with a beautiful view and read one of my favorite books of all time. I even caught a tan. So cathartic. So necessary.

The Death of a Comedian

Maps n stuff...

Trax

Elevation profile

So there we have it. The last two posts pretty much cover this kick-ass place to mountain bike. You'll love it up there. Keep killin it! Thanks for tunin' in.

Zness

Ginny Trail @ Bobcat Ridge Natural Area

2012-03-01T17:18:00.000-08:00

Alright, I think it's time for a quick break down of what is undeniably the best mountain bike trail in the FC. I know the word "best" is subjective, but let's just look at the facts.

Very long technical single-shot downhill run
Very long technical single-shot uphill

Countless drops, skinnys, features and more popping up all the time. (I haven't found them all after years of riding it)
One of the first upper elevation trails to dry off after rain/snow
Great on cool days or cold mornings
It's a dick-in-the-dirt climb/descent.

Downsides?

Advanced skill required (in my opinon)
Exposed. So hot. Unbearably hot in the summer. I once did this at 8am in June and almost passed out from the heat. Ugh.
It's a dick-in-the-dirt climb/descent.

Ok now that's outta the way. Which way to ride it? In my opinion there are 2 ways to ride this and one stands out as the best. I'll eventually map both of them, but for now I'll start with what I consider the best way that is the most fun and bang for your buck. That way is by doing it as an out and back starting from the Bobcat Ridge Natural area then climbing Ginny Trail (5.5miles, 1500ft vertical) to the top, shotgunning a beer, and turning around and shredding back down the way you came.

The second way is to climb Powerline Road (good luck!) and cruise the traverse through Mahoney Park which, by the way, is beautiful and worth it if you've done this one as an out and back already and have extra free time.

Here's some Bobcat photos I have...

... of the gang:

Jimmy Jamz, Matt 6 million, and 970Andy

Marki$$$ killin the skinnys

Enjoy the views and drink a booze

MarkiXXX changing his flat high above Masonville

Making up new lines off some very old rocks


Scouting new lines

.... and features:

Wide bridge

....Maps n stuff: (also check the website here)

From Outer Space

Ginny Trail Elevation Profile

Here is some dude's video on the Ginny descent. It will give you a good idea of the features of the trail and how rocky it really is. In order to save you the AGONY of having to sit through the whole goddam thing like I had to, I suggest just watching from 4min 30sec to the 6min 40sec. It's enough to give you the gist of what you're getting into.

Another thing I want to say about this trail is that I would classify it as advanced. That doesn't mean beginners shouldn't ride it. In fact if you're a beginner and you get it into your head to master this trail, you are guaranteed to get really good at mountain biking really fast. I think you should go do it. Finally 2 type of people wreck on this trail: 1) Really bad mountain bikers (because it's so rocky) and 2) Really good mountain bikers (because this trail has the ability to push riders to their limit). So if you find yourself regaining consciousness on the side of the trail bleeding checking your body for broken bones, don't feel bad, that's the way the trail is supposed to be ridden!

In closing, this post-ride photo shows us 3 things.
1) This trail can cause bodily damage to the gnarliest of shredsters (MarkiXXX).
2) Healthcare is an important issue for all Americans.
3) When you scoop yourself up off the ground, pull the aggregate out from underneath your stinging skin, drive all the way to Urgent Care, and wait for a painful injection from a shockingly long needle, this trail is so much damn fun you'll STILL be smiling! Proof's right there folks.

MarKISSSS reflecting on an amazing day on Ginny Trail

See you up there!
-Zness

What fish say when they swim into a brick wall

2012-02-25T15:39:00.002-08:00

As far as Fort Collins winter riding goes, we're dam lucky to have this ride in our backyard. I touched on how dam fun this ride can be in a blog called Ol' Shot Run if your goal is to bike and get hammered all day. Today was a little different, I just wanted to get the cobwebs outta my dam legs if you know what I mean. It's been awhile and I wanted to feel the burn again. I picked the right day for it. I decided to do this run from the north to the south and there just happened to be a whipping 20mph head wind outta the south. There were points in the ride where the wind had caused me to nearly stand still on these climbs. Brutal stuff. But I wanted my legs to hurt, and dam if they didn't! This is the same loop Schuyler and I did two Christmas Eve's ago when Shred Nettles family was nice enough to let us join in their family get-together and even gave us wine while they opened gifts. Props up to Sky for showing me the last climb on this north to south route that is on private property. It really completes the dam loop nicely. Lemme just say this to all you singletrack dudes who think road riding isn't hardcore enough for you. Whe the trails are muddy, quit riding them wet and trenching them out and eroding the hell out of em. Get over yourself and ride concrete when it's wet, man. Jeez.

Sarah Silverman and Patrice O'Neal on todays ride.

On a side note, I gotta say, road riding is not always thrilling. That's not a negative. It's just that while road riding, I spend more time inside my own head than I do while ripping fast lines down rocky singletrack. And that can be a good thing. Props up to Dead Deer's Willie for showing me Marc Maron's WTF podcast. I gotta say that I'm a true blue stand up nerd from Marc's era. I know WHAT he's talking about. I know WHO he's talking about. I'm old. I was there. When my own thoughts are not enough to keep me entertained on long road rides, his thoughts are. I love it. What a great day!

You can tell how windy it is. Look at those white cap waves.

Here's the favorite part of my ride. It's the road at the far south end of Horsetooth reservoir. It's dirt, which is great, it's a great climb and a blast to come down. The best part? It's illegal! If you do this ride, you actually get to break the law. BONUS. My favorite part is that the rich piece-of-shit asshole who put up this sign underlined the words WILL BE, like the fact he has a HOA guarantees the prosecution of a guy like me who has the fucking GALL to bike by his fucking estate. I've biked this road a dozen times and no one ever came out. I hope so fucking bad that someone does come out, I'm just gonna keep ridin it, and ridin it, and ridin it until some pencil-dick smarmy mansion owner chases me down. Cause then it's on. Do yourself, myself, and the guy who made this gate a favor and RIDE THIS ROAD. Whenever you can. Just ride it. It's super fun. Throw your bike over and walk around the right side of the gate. It's my goal to make this stretch of road, the most coveted and most popular Sunday afternoon road ride in all Larimer county. Like, clogged with tourists kind of popular. Let me know when you do, hell, leave a comment.

These people MUST BE jerkoffs

View of Richfuck Road

View of Fort Collins from Richfuck Road

How windy?

This windy.

Dam Route

Dam Elevation Profile

Well, like I said, great ride on a great day. Sorry for the diatribe, but I don't know how else to express the feelings that arise when you have to bike by a sign like that every day. Who are these people?

Oh yeah, HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEPHAN! Come do backwards fixie-circle-high-fives sometime.

Signs, Signs, E'rywhur da Signs,
-Zness

Gamera is filled with Turtle Meat

2012-02-17T00:43:00.000-08:00

Sorry all, contrary to this beautiful song, I have NOT been riding my bicycle, and it has not been so much fun. I promise after the spring thaw that I'm gonna go back to destroying the front range. In the meantime, I'm gonna watch old MST3k episodes. Never heard of it? Start with the Gamera episode. It's on Netflix. Oh, and I switched from microwave to stove-top popcorn. I even melt my own butter.

Once again, Sorry! See you soon on 2 wheels.

Zness the "Cabin Fever" Pness (I've been eating GA-MER-A!)

Mood Swings

2012-01-26T20:22:00.000-08:00

Holy Shit, I've been a real asshole lately! Lack of movement, sunlight, and thrilling moments have really soured my perceptions of the world around me. That was until today when I cleansed myself in the waters of tacky singletrack, Dale's Pale Ale, and felt the presence of Todd tha God. Now I feel much, much better. Simple, huh? Yep.


La Espina Dorsal del Diablo con Todd "El Dios"

Ahora. Vaya con dos ruedas, mijo.
- Zeta

Dudes do Booze Cruise to (oskar) Blues

2012-01-08T14:17:00.000-08:00

Wowzer. Mitch Dood, ChadMandingo, Andrew, and myself took advantage of the awesome weather and got together to do a nice road ride from Fort Collins out to Lyons. I love this ride. We start by going out around Horsetooth Reservoir, then go through Masonville and take all the scenic backroads all the way to Lyons. It's nothing but mountains, bluffs, horse ranches, and Longs Peak looming over you the entire ride. To top it off, the ride ends at Oskar Blues brewery in downtown Lyons. They have the best menu around. It's southern-fare home cookin based, but they also have HUGE portions of bar food. To top it off, I'm on a big Oskar Blues kick and just love slamming their beers. It doesn't hurt they have tons of tasty whiskey too. In the basement they have an 80s arcade with about 20 machines (of which I hold the #1 spot on about 10 of em!) Not only that, one of the best Fort Collins country bands (Turn 4) was playing there that very night. I'm telling you what more could you want? Thanks to Nick for being our designated driver for the ride home. We needed it. With the rowdy bunch of boozers I was riding with, this was a seriously, seriously fun ride. It's a good thing that they don't have a strip club there. I think the clinical term for what I was experiencing is known as "Severe Over-Stimulation". Holy shit!

Alright, let's get started! (watch the level in that whiskey bottle get lower and lower...)


Top of the first hill. *gulp.

Top of the second hill. *gulp.

The outlaws of Masonville...

Just cruisin.....

... for a boozin.


Thumbs awaaaay.....

No comment.

Unfortunately we managed to run outta gas. Sad face.

Made it!

Arcade THROW DOWN! There is no second place in the Oskar Blues Arcade. Just first loser.


Ultimate Noser

After all that alcohol it seemed my motor functions were still enough to rock some arcade games. Then it was time to load it up and head back after more shots and a SICK performance by the band Turn 4. By the middle of that performance my motor skills were sufficiently dulled that I tripped over a floor monitor and fell on stage during a song about 2-steppin. Obviously looking like a wasteoid.

Kennel up!

34-Masonville-Lyons Trax

34-Masonville-Lyons Profile

See? Now who says a simple road ride can't be fun? Not this guy. It sure beats slogging through mud and eroding my favorite mountain bike trails. Just cause of where we live, we gotta ride road through the winter. Or drive on out to the western slope.... That'll be comin up!

Thanks again for checkin in. Stay in motion.
Zness da Pness

UPDATE 1-11-12:
I just found a link to the Turn 4 song that proves Fort Collins country is the fucking absolute best ever! This is a link the song they were playin when I got so drunk I tripped on the floor monitor and fell on stage. Lyrically, it captures a feeling I have often. It's called Girl Like You by Turn 4. So sick. Go to their show and kiss a pretty girl in cowboy boots. You won't regret it.

Rist-Buckhorn 2012

2012-01-05T13:26:00.000-08:00

Just went out and hammered this ride again on my NEW singlespeed. Sorry, no new photos, but I got a giftcard from Grammy for xmas to put towards a new digital camera and should be able to post some riding photos soon. Until then, text only suckas. Not much has changed about this ride since the last time I did it, except that I was all by my lonesome.

By the way, here is a hot pic of the new and improved fixie, but all you ballers out there can do me a favor and keep your eyes out for my old one that some jerk-off stole. It's really easy to know it's mine because it's a mixture of hot-pink, camouflage, and primer. It also has my goddamn name right there on the downtube!

New Hotness

Old Sweet-Ass "Zness" fixie that got jacked.

I guess I wasn't really alone on this loop because I have my new George Carlin audiobook that constantly re-assures me that I'm not the one with the fucking problem... it's everybody else that's so goddamn stupid!

Keep hittin it all winter,
Zness

Xmas XTREME! 2011

2011-12-25T16:01:00.001-08:00

For the second Xmas eve in a row Schuyler and I went on an epic fixie ride. This time, Marki$$$ and Andrew from 34 came along for the ride which ended up being about 40 miles from start to finish. Starting in FC, we rolled over to Harmony and ripped the dams to the bars in LaPorte, and once we were good and shit faced, we rode the dams again to the Canyon Grill @ Horsetooth Reservoir, and after getting doubly shitfaced, we rode half the dams again down by the stadium and to a nice little xmas eve soirée.

Gettin started

Sledders @ Hughes Stadium

MarkiXXX enjoying the cruise and the view

Joggin?

View of Hughes Stadium from above

Another quick climb

Schuyler fixied the snowy singletrack at the top of Shoreline Trail. Sick.

Lettin them pedals buck ripping down the North dam

Great day for a ride

Last hill before we get to the bar

Spreadin that holiday cheer

Monster truck DVD at the Long Branch

I easily spent $40 on jukes that day. Shit was real.

After gettin loaded, we grabbed a sixer and backtracked the way we came. Why? Cause Canyon Grill is open on xmas eve!

The Canyon Grill's only customers. That's ok though, we're real loose with the billz.

Route tracks. It got cold once it was dark....

Final thought: I was a little down that I couldn't make it home for the holidays, but I swear that this ride was so fun and so perfect that while we were doing it I admitted to myself that there was no place I'd rather be. That is, riding with this group of guys on such a fun route drinkin beer and plugging jukes. One of the best xmas eves I've ever had. Thanks guys!

Keep turnin in 2012!
Zness

Crested Butte Classic

2011-10-03T10:31:00.000-07:00

I had set this race as my goal for the year, and training for it definitely took a lot out of me. Between drinking a lot less and training a lot more, I definitely committed to being a finisher in what I figure to be one of the hardest mountain bike races around. It really worked out and I felt strong all day.

Sorry I don't have any photos, I was too busy riding. But, Nettles and I both kicked major ass as you can imagine and because the NU-Wisc game kicked off that night, I raced the entire 100 miles in my #7 Eric Crouch jersey. Not practical, and we lost the game anyways. Thanks to everybody from the Brick Oven for putting on what I consider to be one of the most fun, best, and hardest mountain bike races in the country. Free beer, free pizza, and best of all, free race. I give so much props to those guys for what they do. Dave Ochs and the Crested Butte Crew deserve all the credit! To me guys like that are what mountain biking is all about. Period. If you get a chance to meet em, consider yourself lucky!

Here's a video I found of the race. It shows you how we spent our day. This video follows the lead group (of which Nettles and I were never in) but you'll get the idea. We spent hours upon hours winding through firey aspen forest of manicured trail. One of the best days of riding in my entire life. Cheers!

Oh yeah, out of around 70-75 participants, 51 finished, and of those finishers I tied for 36th. Right in the middle! Anyways it was just over 100 miles and about 13,500ft of climbing. I just finished under my goal of 12 hours, I definitely could of finished a bit faster, but I still met my goal. Hopefully I can stay in that kind of shape for next year. What a challenge. Come join me next year. Here's the race website. DO IT!
¡Adiós Muchachos!

UPDATE 12-29-2011
Turns out after a little searching I found photos from the race! Neither me or Nettles are in these photos, but they show how great of a race it was! Also shows how great mountain biking in Crested Butte in the fall can be. Fantastic.

-Zness

Single Speed Worlds

2011-09-03T02:50:00.000-07:00

Schuyler is the fucking best!
Check out 3:02.

Tour de Colorado Part VII: Steamboat Springs to FC

2011-08-28T16:53:00.000-07:00

Leaving Steamboat on the 4th of July was another scorcher. I had intentions of going over Buffalo Pass (10300ft) by dirt road, but it was still closed due to snow. So I simply started grinding up and over Rabbit Ears Pass (9426ft).

Of all the passes that I went over, I would always place a Road34 sticker on the elevation sign. I knew that I was getting close to home when I hit the Rabbit Ears Pass sign and there were 2 Road34 stickers already on it. I'm assuming that was Mitch & Schuyler, who had done this ride before me. I still threw one more up there!

Pretty much after leaving Steamboat, things started getting rougher out on the road. I had enjoyed sunny afternoons and great (although hot) weather for the last 3 weeks and had taken it for granted as the norm. I don't know if it was the area I was in or the time of year, but the rest of the days after Steamboat were barraged with afternoon thunder/lightning storms and for the first time I experienced rabid mosquitoes. After Rabbit Ears was a lot of hot dusty grassland and farmland and the mosquitoes were UNBEARABLE. Giant swarms of them would descend upon me while I was still moving on my bike and bite every inch of exposed skin. They were even biting through my shirt. It was a nasty, nasty surprise and almost drove me to insanity. What was I going to do? I had no spray. I had been fine up to now. This fucking sucked. Bad. When the little bastards landed on my forearm I would mindlessly slap them and kill 4 or 5 of them in one slap, leaving little smears of blood all over my skin. I was getting PISSED. Also, I could see off in the high country black/grey clouds coming over the mountains to meet me. I dealt with this shit like I dealt with everything else on this trip. I pedaled harder. If I was climbing, I was moving to slow to do anything about the mosquitoes. If I was on flat or descending, I could pretty much outrun them.

Next as I was out in the middle of nowhere, the lightning started raking across the sky and striking on the mountains very close to me. I had all my rain gear, but I didn't have the balls to pedal through lightning. I pedaled down a dusty old road to a ranch that I saw in the distance. There was a ranch hand there who let me check the radar on the weather channel and even gave me an entire can of bugspray. It turned out that this storm was going to last all night long. I ended up opting to go out by his horse barn and set up my camp under a log shelter that they had built to park snowmobiles under. As I sat in my tent eating apples and clif bars, just listening to rain, thunder, and wind I drifted off to sleep around 7pm.

I awoke in the early morning chill around 3am. So cold I could see my breath. I opened my tent door and looked out into the blackness at millions of stars. It was stunning. I was rested and just decided to get rolling. Riding under the stars in the early morning was the BEST. No mosquitos. No heat. No storms. Just beautiful stars, cool conditions, and the implicit promise of a sunrise to come. As the waning blackness began to indicate hints of turquoise, the temperature would slowly rise and I would remove layers of clothes. Soon the sun was beginning to show itself from behind the snowy eastern peaks and all of the wet cattle ground I was surrounded by began to steam. I still think about how this scene repeats itself up there every single day of our lives regardless of us being there to witness it.

Once the sun broke and the morning was upon me, it almost felt like a whole new day from when I started out. This is a great time of day for viewing wildlife. I saw elk, deer, and this moose out enjoying the morning. I even got a huge shot of adrenaline for breakfast when an aggressive farm dog came ripping out of a driveway in full stride ready to tear my ankles off. I outran the little shit though.

At this point, I knew it was all downhill to my house. I just stood up straight on my pedals, leaned my head back and started gliding down Cameron Pass (10276ft). Such a FUN ride. I was hooting and laughing and going fast as fuck. I even let my eyes drift to the surrounding canyon walls for extended periods of time. It was a weekday morning, and I had the entire road to myself.

I've driven this canyon so many times I thought I knew it all. But I was wrong. Biking it, I felt like I was learning every nook and cranny. The most impressive of all was Poudre Falls. It was mind boggling. The Poudre River was at one of its highest flows of the year and it was RAGING through the falls. For those of you that saw the river this year, you can imagine how much water was barreling through there. The awe inspiring power was really demonstrated in a section of the falls where the ENTIRE RIVER goes through 2 canyon walls about 10 feet apart. THE ENTIRE RIVER GOING THROUGH A TEN FOOT GAP! It was unreal. It was loud. It was violent. I laid flat on my stomach on the rock above this section and hung my head and arms down as the water was exploding below me. I can't believe I didn't even know it was there for all these years!

Anyone who mountain bikes with me knows how I must've felt when I passed Dadd Gulch.

Instead of taking the easy downhill route to my house, I decided to add about another 1000ft of climbing and take Old Flowers up to the top of Rist Canyon. Anyone who's driven this road knows that the west side is a nasty climb. The 90lbs bike made it a real kick in the crotch. Ugh.
On the bright side, when I hit the top, there was physically not a damn INCH of climbing between there and my house!

I ripped down Rist Canyon's last 3000 feet of vertical dangerously fast knowing at the mouth of the canyon sat Vern's diner, and inside Vern's diner was breakfast. Breakfast which consisted of a stack of pancakes, chicken fried steak & eggs, coffee, water, toast, and 3 delicious Budweisers. I could barely handle the anticipation, let alone when I sat down to eat it. I almost burst with joy!

I rolled the rest of the way to Fort Collins and grinning ear-to-ear I turned down my street. My Street! My "Little Colorado Loop" was over. I was so excited to get back to the creature comforts of home (easy chair, showers, netflix, WATER). I raised my arms like a Tour de France rider crossing the finish line and pumped my fists toward the sky. Serenely happy. And then I did what I had always set out to do and ceremoniously made the final right hand turn into my driveway. Sick.

As I straddled my bike in my driveway and thought about the "little loop" I had just completed, I was amazed I did it with no mechanical failures of ANY kind. Not a flat. Not a chain skip. Nothing. That's unbelievable considering I could get a flat simply riding downtown. The Surly Long Haul Trucker is the real deal. Love it.

Before doing anything else, I immediately turned my bike around and pulled out of the driveway. Without changing a thing, I biked straight over to see my buddy Woody and grab a 12 pack. I was going to relax like no one had relaxed before.

Once home, I didn't bother to unpack. I cracked a few beers, took a long shower, and with a swirling beer buzz I shouldered up my golf clubs, got back on my trusty bicycle, and headed to the golf course. Hell, it's still summertime, ain't it?

Thanks for riding along. See you on the trails!
Zness da Pness

Tour de Colorado Part VI: Woody Creek to Steamboat Springs

2011-08-28T11:15:00.000-07:00

Pulling out of George's house and just down the street, I turned onto the Carbondale to Aspen bike path. It is such a great ride. No cars. No people. Just a beautiful spin through farmlands and mountains. I was on my way to give homage to the one of America's greatest citizens. This homage consisted of rolling into the Woody Creek Tavern around 10:30 for breakfast. This breakfast consisted of 3 glasses of Wild Turkey (rocks), 3 Tecate cans (limes), 2 cups of coffee (black), and an apple (granny smith). All this was after a decent bike ride from Carbondale on an empty stomach. Needless to say when I left at 12:30, I was pretty damn drunk. Luckily it was downhill to the El Jebel exit where it was time to start cranking up again.

George's future father-in-law and a good buddy of mine Darrell was nice enough to store my pannier bags in his garage on top of the hill past El Jebel. Which is a good thing considering the alcohol was wearing off resulting in a hazy mid-afternoon hangover. Also, the heat was working against me that day and this was a climbing day. So brutal. I loved the liquor when I was drinking it, but was hating it now. It was stomach turning climbing the back hills of Cattle Creek to Gypsum. But I made it. Thanks Darrell!

That night I camped along the Colorado River just north of the Dotsero exit. My buddy Willy Warren keyed me onto this route and it was a great way to go. The next morning I closed up my camp, jumped into the river, and then got rolling. It was another BRUTALLY hot day, and I had no idea that I was in for it. The road from Dotsero to Burns is amazing. It follows the Colorado River so close that you can dip your toes in right from the road! But it was hot that day. I used up all my food and water just getting to Burns, where I planned on at least being able to fill up my water bottles...

... but I was dead-ass wrong. There is no running water in Burns. Just a post office with no facilities. Nothing. I was truly in the middle of nowhere with no water. Luckily one of the ladies from the post office happened to stop by. She kept a few gallons of water in the trunk of her car and let me have one. I could've chugged the whole thing right there, but after looking at my map, I realized that I had to conserve water because it was still a long way to Yampa.

This was it. This was hands down the most BRUTAL, EXCRUCIATING day of biking in my life. I had already gone from Dotsero to Burns which was wonderful. But from Burns to Yampa via Sunny-Side road and Co Rd. 3B felt like a torture chamber. Remember that my bike was upwards of 100 lbs, and I was out of supplies. I pedaled for what seemed like hours of jeep road double-track. Loose and full of sharp boulders. This was complimented by direct sun with no wind. Blast furnace conditions. Followed by loose spins through smelly, black-fly populated, sandy cattle fields. This was truly dick-in-the-dirt stuff. There was not another soul for miles, which was fine. But I was reaching my physical limits out there and could do nothing except keep spinning. Oh the humanity! It might've hurt less just to take a kick in the dick. I ate and drank every molecule of food and water left on this section of road. I don't know how many miles this day was (google won't tell me...) but it was an all day affair. A new high-water mark of pain.

I stopped by the Colorado fish hatchery near Yampa because there was a slice of daylight left and then rolled into Penny's Diner nearly ready to pass out. Luckily they have a MONSTER breakfast burrito, biscuits and gravy, milkshakes, and coke 24/7. I devoured it while a rain storm approached quickly. I went behind the bar near a junk heap and set up my campsite before the rains came pouring down. Everything was packed away in my tent when it started to rain, so I moseyed on over to the hotel bar where they were cranking the classic country station. I sat down on bar stool. Opened a tab and ordered 1 water, 1 beam, and 1 beer. For the next 6 hours I drank repeated rounds of water, beam, and beer until I was completely and totally shit faced. Free popcorn, too.

Next day I made it as far as Phippsburg. A total of 7 miles for the day. Epic right? I started off that morning and the sky just opened up. I was thinking of making it to a state park to set up my shit and sit out the storm in my tent. I pulled off of the road to look at my map at the Phippsburg Inn. As I was looking at it, the gal working the counter said I could stay there for $20. She even gave me a couple beers while I sat there. How could I say no? A room? A shower? Laundry? I took the panniers off of my bike, put on my raincoat and biked through the maelstrom to the Oak Creek Liquor store and came back ready for a meal and a hot shower. Boy did we have fun. A barbecue and a goddamn booze fest in a nice dry lodge with a clean bed, clean clothes, and a big meal.

I got to meet "Wiley Jack"! He sure can hold his liquor.

The next morning I took the scenic Co Rd 27 loop around to Steamboat. If you are a road-biker this is YOUR SHIT. It doesn't matter which way you loop this road. It is a really fun road ride. Looping this from Steamboat on a bike is very popular and I can see why. Just take it around through Oak Creek and back for a nice afternoon spin. I pulled into Steamboat just as they were getting set up for the 4th of July Rodeo. Perfect timing. I was ready to party hard. Also, as I went by the Alpine Center, the Olympic Ski Jump team was just starting practice so I stopped and watch them take the Big Jump for an hour or so. Unreal!

Next thing, I went looking for my old friends the Crislips. Don't go wandering onto their property unannounced or you might get more than you bargained for! I know I did.

(who goes there?)

(patty hearst style)

The Crislips let me set up my tent in their back yard over the 4th of July weekend. They were so nice that I can't say enough good things about them. Once again I was showered, fed, and ready to party. Nick and I spent a day racing waterslides, running obstacle courses, and drinking gator-jacks for one of the funnest 4th of Julys that I've had in a long time. We even smoked a rack of ribs for dinner. I was truly spoiled what a killer family and a truly special weekend.

If you ever pass through Steamboat don't forget that it is the goddamn center of our perceivable universe. Here is the exact center.... right... about.... HERE!

After a couple days of rodeoin, and drinking our balls off, I was nearly ready to point my bike east and think about closing the distance back home. Home? What a weird idea. As far as I was concerned though, I was still king of the road until I would take that long awaited right hand turn into my driveway... which was still quite a ways to go.

Zness

Triple Towers 1

2011-08-27T15:00:00.000-07:00

Ugh. If you haven't ridden Towers Road at Horsetooth Mountain Park yet, it is one of the longest single fire road climbs in the Fort Collins area. It's a great way to gain vertical feet quickly, and once at the top, there are tons of options of single track descents that peel off from the road. I find myself pedaling up this one a couple of times a week and combining different singletrack options. I've done it too many times to count, and still haven't done all the rides yet. This is a great Fort Collins biking asset, but it's rough. I did this one last Tuesday and the thermometer hit 100. A goddamn blast furnace. Thanks to Matt 283 for riding with me. If you're not climbing Towers, you're missing the best trails in Fort Collins! (So try it a few times!)

Highlight of this ride? Halfway through I got to see about a half-inch of my shin bone. Neat! Left some meat out on the trail. By the time I snapped the photo, the hole had filled with goo. Sorry for the gore-fest, but I like showing off my scars. Makes me feel like crashing was worth it. Although it never is. Ouch.

Keep the rubber on the ground!
Zness

One Speed Open 2011

2011-08-18T14:33:00.000-07:00

This last weekend was the One Speed Open again here in Fort Collins. It's so much fun and really casual. It's also the only race I do every year. This year was my fourth year doing this race, and I am just coming off my tour of Colorado, so my legs are the strongest they've ever been. The race this year was 35 miles of dirt county roads and farm field double track. Always a grind! I recently had my fixed gear bike stolen though, but was able to build up my new one a couple of days before this race. The only thing I couldn't get was a fixed gear hub so I was forced to ride freewheel. This turned out to be one stroke of good luck as it allowed me to be first place freewheel instead of 2nd place fixed (although I'd be happy with either title!). I'd never won any race before and it was pretty cool. Better lucky than good, I guess. Thanks to Raf for pointing out the way, and thanks to Steve for keeping me in the game. Congrats on the nice finish Ass-Mallet!

(photos by Mark Bowers)

So the way the big board works is the fixed gear finishers have a red dot beside their name while the freewheelers have an orange dot. The other thing to note is that Raf doesn't count his time because he is the one who designs the course and knows it beforehand. All these wonderful facts made this my first biking victory that I've ever had (1st freewheeler, 2nd overall). Neat-O. Really fun race again. See you next year!

Zness da Pness

Tour de Colorado Part V: Crested Butte to Carbondale

2011-08-18T13:46:00.000-07:00

I left Crested Butte up and over Kebler Pass through the large aspen forest on a crisp bright morning. It was another spectacular ride. The best part about it was that going this direction it was much easier and mostly a morning of descending. Just easy breezy, coasting alone down the dirt road through the aspen forest for hours. Wonderful.

At the bottom of Kebler it was time to start climbing McClure Pass (8755ft) and then through Redstone to Carbondale. The climb up McClure was a grind. I really just knocked it out. Also, the view from the top was not that amazing. That being said, the descent was SICK! I had the road to myself and now that I had some experience on my fully loaded rig, this was the road that I actually went the fastest on. I would just lean that heavy-ass bike over into the turns and let 'er rip. There weren't a lot of cars so I could use the entire lane and the canyon was amazing with giant vertical walls and lots of raging rapids and waterfalls.

My bike is in this photo

Coke ovens! (I bet the "Coke" goes right on a "Rail" straight to downtown Aspen!....)

The Crystal River was RAGING. Some sections were the biggest fastest moving rapids I've ever seen in my life....

... that didn't stop this animal from boating it. This was the coolest thing I had seen in awhile. As this guy risked it all boating through these rapids I coasted along side the guardrail for nearly half an hour and just glided along beside him. I was cheering and laughing as he negotiated the nastiest sections of the river. So epic.

You can still see the kayaker in this photo

Cattle punchin at the base of Mt. Sopris next to the bike path. One of my favorite photos from the trip.

My buddy George met me at the City Limits with a beer and rode me into town. His fiancee Rachel had an amazing meal waiting for me and plenty of drinks. They even had a bed for me. We sat on their back patio on a beautiful evening under Mt. Sopris and had one of the best (and biggest) meals I've ever eaten. I got a bed, a meal, a shower, and some time with great friends. Honestly, this was better than stopping at my own home.

George managed to get me an awesome 29er and take me out for an evening of mountain biking the next day. It had been awhile since I'd mountain biked and I was really itching for the chance. We rode the trails at Basalt Mountain. The 29er was so light compared to my touring rig, I just felt like I was floating. I would compare it to wearing 40lbs weights around each ankle for 3 weeks and then taking them off and running a mile. It was so much goddamn fun! Thanks for e'rythang George!

WTF?

Light as a feather. Beer, tube, and some water.

Told George if he could ride to the other side, I'd give him $20.

I left Carbondale the next morning with all my clean clothes, a full stomach, a shower, and a great mountain bike ride all behind me. I was ready to get back to the road, but they sure made Carbondale a tough place to leave. I still had 4 more days of riding to make it to Steamboat in time for the 4th of July Rodeo.....

Tour de Colorado Part IV - Paonia to Crested Butte & Another Wild Weekend

2011-08-05T12:17:00.001-07:00

The next morning I left outta Paonia bright and early after a great breakfast and headed towards Crested Butte over Kebler Pass. It was a great cruise over to Kebler, but I was now faced with another day of climbing on what was to be the hottest day of pedaling so far. Ugh. It was rough. At the bottom of the climb, I stripped down to just my shorts, loaded up on sunscreen, and started grinding this one out. Although it was hot as holy hell, this was one of the most enjoyable passes I've done. It was all dirt, no cars anywhere, and passed through the Kebler Pass Aspen Grove which is (from what I was told) one of the worlds largest living organisms. Once into the shade of the Aspens, I cooled off a bit. I really loved this day of climbing. First, it is one of the most scenic and beautiful backroad passes in Colorado. The other reason I was fired up is because I knew that once I reached the top of Kebler Pass (10,000ft), it was all downhill to Crested Butte and I was going to be getting a shower, partying hard, and relaxing for the next 2 days. Partying is such a damn good motivator. I wonder if Cadel Evans spent the last 3 torturous days of the Tour just thinking about that one single chilled glass of champagne on the Champs Elysees. Makes sense to me.

Headin on up....

This was the first climb where I ran out of water because of the heat well before the top of the pass. I even asked a road crew guy for a drink from his nalgene, and he told me "No"! I was a little freaked out, but there was snow everywhere. I figured at that altitude it would be fine to bottle up some snow if I had to.

On that note, hauling water is a bad way to do a back road trip. I learned that the hard way. Before I left I had the attitude that a water filtration system was a luxury item and I was tough enough to haul my own damn water. That was the biggest mistake of my trip. So many times I was out of water in the backcountry passing streams every 15-30 minutes! Next trip I'm definitely getting one of these katadyn minis. They're $100 and would easily, EASILY double my biking range into the backcountry. Lesson learned. Get one.

I didn't know at the time, but as I took this photo I had no idea that I would be biking over those mountains in the background. I was already a little tired at that point and if someone would have told me that I still had to pedal up and around those cliffs, I woulda wanted to quit! Ahhh, but ignorance is bliss. If you can't tell from my previous posts, I really never knew what kind of climbs were ahead of me. Hell, I didn't really know what was around the next turn of the road. This was a big motivator for me because it forced me to have the attitude that if the sun was up, I was pedaling. This attitude completely eliminates the dread of knowing a monstrous, hot, dusty climb is waiting for you, because you simply don't think about it at all!

The snowy, lonely top of Kebler. So glad I made it. Serious dehydrated granny-gearing toward the top.

Cooling off in the snow.

Turns out the top of Kebler isn't so lonely. There is an old 19th century silver mining cemetary up here that meanders through the woods. I saw this gravestone from the road and went up to explore. It was just me and them up there this afternoon. This headstone was interesting because it is the gravesite of a 17 year old girl named Mary. This stone made my imagination run wild. Why would a 17 year old girl be up here mining silver in the 1880s? Her crazy ass drunken miner dad probably dragged her poor ass up here and she got sick. Who knows? I thought of a bunch of different scenarios (like maybe a fuckin bear ate her!). Makes you wonder about how crazy things were back then. Wild. If you can't read the engraving on the tombstone it is pretty ominous and spooky:

"Mary daughter of Foster Bambrough-Died July 31st 1881-Aged 17 Years.

My good people as you pass by
As you are now so once was I
As I am now you soon must be
Prepare yourselves to follow me"

DAMN! That is some spooky shit. I got outta there and ripped down to Crested Butte in order to take Mary's advice and party my balls off before I check out. But damn it all if I didn't see her again the next day!

The next day I entered the Crested Butte chainless race. HUGE PARTY! What a blast. It's an event where people dress up, get wasted, build their own bikes and then take the chain off of them and race chainless from the top of Kebler pass to main street Crested Butte. It was so much fun. Thanks to Willy Warren for tipping me off to this party. Anyways, they loaded everyones bikes on flatbeds and hauled us back up to the top of Kebler again (hello Mary!) where we commenced to drink all kinds of booze and also have my first 80 degree snowball fight. It was soooo FUN! The weirdest thing about it was the contrast of the day before and the day of the race. From being alone up there, to having 200 raging bike-partyers was AWESOME. Also the asphalt at the top was so hot it was peeling off and sticking to peoples shoes leaving foot shaped potholes. It was also sticking to bike tires and car tires, rolling up like a length of sod. That's how hot it was, and we were still having an epic snowball fight! Amazing. So fun.

Trojan warrior in the background. I did the chainless race fully loaded on the tour rig. Speedo-Mullet man hanging with Mary Bambrough over my right shoulder. She ain't lonely today!

I was chucking snowballs into the crowd. Check out how the asphalt peeled off in the middle of the road where the truck stopped and then pulled away.

Willy Warren had ICE COLD beers and shots. Wonderful. Simply wonderful.

No costume? Ride naked. Beer & Sunscreen

These 3 dudes killed it on a welded tandem with pegs. No brakes. Fred Flintstone style. So much uncontrollable weight BARRELING downhill. Good job guys. Impressive.

Willy Warren's extendo-bike wheelie

At the top of Kebler I ran into my old friend Ella who LOVES to rage it. She let me camp in her back yard, use her shower, and she showed me around town. I watched her rip her big toenail right off her foot and she didn't even flinch. Good thing she had tequila and I had duct tape.

Big wheel shreddin.

The next night was Saturday night and Toots and the Maytals was playing up on the hill. I went to that show and guess who I see smoking a big-ass joint? Obee the Paonia hippie! We ended up cruising down the bike path together to the bar. It turned out it was his birthday so I bought him a few drinks before he had to split. What a fun night and an amazing party.

Well. That was party weekend #2 into the books. First weekend was FibArk in Salida, second weekend was Crested Butte. I pulled out of town on Sunday morning going up Kebler for the 3rd time in 4 days! I really know that pass well. As I backtracked to HWY133, I was wondering what the next week would hold (a lot more climbing probably), and where I'd be partying NEXT Friday/Saturday (Steamboat Springs 4th of July Rodeo???).

Tour de Colorado Part III - Blue Mesa Reservoir & Black Canyon

2011-07-30T10:20:00.000-07:00

A lot of people have been asking me questions regarding my method to route planning and other things like that on this trip. I really don't have an answer for them. I didn't really plan a route at all. My only requirements were to travel through Colorado in a clockwise direction, to stick to as many dirt/back roads as possible (no cars), and make sure that I had an awesome place to party my balls off on Friday and Saturday nights. That's it. 3 things.

I always thought that planning didn't really matter that much as long as I was squared away physically. If I was in shape to pedal and had enough food and water, I could literally stop wherever and whenever I wanted, set up my tent, read my kindle and relax. Route planning as it were, could be done over a morning cup of coffee. I was carrying with me a full size Colorado Recreation map and could literally pick out a few back roads that morning or the night before.

This technique was highly evident on my trip through the Black Canyon. I literally didn't know it was there. The rec map gave me an elevation of the Blue Mesa Reservoir and the elevation for Crawford and they looked about the same. I honestly thought that this day would be an easy spin. I had no idea there was going to be a HUGE mountain between the two towns. I just started climbing. From what I can figure out this thing tops out at about 9500ft. Not the biggest (actually close to one of the smallest) climbs I did, but I added it to a lot of road miles that day. It's a weird feeling to be surprised by a mountain.

All of the lack of knowledge and planning aside, this was one of those days on my trip where I was awestruck by my surroundings every time I stopped to look around. Climbing up from the Blue Mesa Dam (where I had lunch) up the Colorado Scenic Byway highway 92 was UNREAL. The only way I can explain my ride is that periodically I would ride along side the guardrail looking 2000 feet down into the Black Canyon, and as I glided silently along it felt like I was looking down out of the window of an airplane. What a way to travel. A really beautiful ride. Although the climb seeming never-ending. Which was fine with me.

If you are keeping track of miles, this day was from Hartman Rocks in Gunnison to Revolution Brewing in Paonia. Great ride. The dirt road was just perfect too. Fuck concrete!

Blue Mesa Reservoir. I end up noticeably higher up than the water level by the time I climb to the top of the canyon.

Getting the climb started.

Crossing the Blue Mesa Dam

Climbing that ol dirt road...

...still climbing. Hot day...

...gettin there. That water is waaay down there....

...made it! Can you believe I had no idea that was there when I started out for the day? Crazy.

View from Hermit's Rest Overlook.

The rip down from here to Crawford was a blast. Thanks to the motorcyclists from Georgia that gave me a can of mixed nuts and some water. From here I blasted to Paonia which is another town I didn't know existed till I was in it.

As I rolled down main street I passed what looked like a house which is actually Revolution Brewing. As I slowly rolled by a group on the patio hollered at me to come and join them which I readily did. How AMAZING is it that coincidentally on Wednesday nights in Paonia (the night I breezed through) was the big party night at Revolution? There was a live band, gyro stand, bratwurst, and some of the best micro beer I've ever tasted in my whole life. This after a long hot day in the saddle. I was FLOORED. Blown away. I was so thankful for what was happening there that I proceeded to get drunk off all of their tastiest beers (the Cherry IPA is MIND-BOGGLINGLY GOOD) and stuffed my face.

Then the group with whom I was drinking on the patio, led by a real Colorado hippie named Obee, invited me back to their house after the festivities for more beer. They even let me set up my tent in the backyard. I fell in love with Paonia right there. What an amazing place. That morning Obee, his pals, and myself made a huge eggs, bacon, and coffee breakfast and I felt like a million bucks pulling outta there. One of the best days of my trip.

Revolution Brewing. Home of the Cherry IPA. The grey haired fellow in the foreground is Obee.

This was one long post, but it really was one of the best days and defined for me what tour biking is all about. Not knowing I was going to pedal through a canyon and over a mountain that day. Also not knowing I was going to have the best beers ever and make a ton of new friends. Speaking of that, it wasn't the last time I would run into Obee on my trip....

Thanks for hangin in there! More to come!
Zness

Swirling Galaxy of Dirt & Blood in the Shower Drain

2011-07-26T09:12:00.000-07:00

Rag dolled down a 10ft cliff while riding today. Don't worry, the bike was OK!

(luckily that's all that happened)
Zness

Tour de Colorado Part II - Buena Vista through Gunnison

2011-07-25T09:34:00.000-07:00

Leaving the Hot Springs the next morning after breakfast, I was totally recharged. Looking back on it now, the worst of the trip was already behind me. With all the traffic and bullshit between Fairplay-Salida-Buena Vista it was still feeling like the front range. I had now vowed to take as many dirt/back roads as possible and traveling west out of BV I was finally by myself in the mountains (which was the whole point). Here's a few photos of my second mountain pass. Cottonwood Pass (12,200ft) west of BV down around Taylor Reservoir, down Taylor Canyon and into Gunnison. It was paved on the east side and dirt road on the west side. This is when I realized dirt road riding was the best.

During my trip I came across a lot of falling rock. I tried to build my karma and stopped at each one to move the rocks from the road.

The start of the climb.

It's starting to get snowy as I climb towards the top. The next two photos are hard to see, but they are of the switchback road near the top of the pass. There are trucks on the road in both photos to give perspective, but are nearly too small to make out. Big climb.

Surrounded by snow walls. So nice. As I was biking, I would reach out with my right hand and make snowballs to throw down the mountain.

Peak'd out.

Next I got to descend down this windy dirt road for hours through empty national forest. So wonderful and fun. At one point it got so chattery that my sleeping bag and tent came flying off and were bouncing down the road behind me.

Taylor Reservoir

They were actually releasing water out of the Taylor Dam into the river when I went by. BTW it was a really fast and balls-out downhill from this point on. Crazy.

Photos of the Taylor Canyon descent

Moo.

There are 2 rock climbers in this photo.

I ended up pedaling out to Hartman Rocks to camp. Some of Gunnisons best mountain biking is here. It wasn't the first time I pedaled my loaded rig up single track (Flatirons Crossings). I rode a ways up and around the trails and set my tent up back behind some trees. A great place to camp, but out of all the towns I visited, Gunnison had the WORST mosquito problem. I had to wear a hoodie and pants and sweated my balls off while I set up camp and cooked dinner. Those little fuckers where still trying to bite through my hoodie.

This is the only photo of my tent set up. If you look way off in the background you can see the lights of Gunnison approximately 5 miles away.

Pulling out of Gunny, I was into a good rhythm of the road and was looking forward to heading farther west, literally not knowing one of my best days on the road was right around the corner...

Zness out.

Tour de Colorado Part I - Gettin outta town (FC-Salida)

2011-07-24T13:29:00.000-07:00

This will be the start of a long string of posts about my tour bike ride through Colorado. I figure I can segment it up and just go bit-by-bit. Most of these posts will be of pictures that I snapped along the way and maybe some short descriptions. I've got to try to keep it short though, or it'll take FOREVER. I'll just give the quick run down of the shit I was hauling with me. I had some shitty flat/clipless shimano pedals and shoes, Chuck Taylors, 2 rear pannier bags, 1 front handlebar bag, one-man tent, thermarest, bottle of Breckenridge Bourbon (thanks Matt!), sleeping bag, 3 bottles and cages, Jetboil w/ food, all-weather type clothes, tools, kindle, camera, an ipod, and a universal solar charger (thanks Nation!). I was more or less set for 4 weeks on the road. Oh yeah, and a chamios (which is highly necessary for long days in the saddle). Here's a pic of the rig.

The night before I left, Barry roundhouse kicked the potted plant. Quick with the Shop-Vac.

Naïve Kid. Leaving the house. Big Andrew was there to see me off. I got rid of that chrome bag before I left.

Asher & Schuyler were super fuckin nice to ride me outta town. So nice leavin with friends!

Oskar Blues in Lyons. On my own from there.

I actually rode this single track for a long ways in order to avoid 60 mile an hour traffic with no shoulder. Anyone who's ridden Flatirons Vista trails can imagine how nasty it was climbing out of the valley with a 90 pound fully loaded touring bike. The LHT (Long Haul Trucker) totally kicked ass though.

Kenosha was my first mountain pass conquered.

First night I slept behind the Golden Bike Shop. The second night I pulled into Fairplay at Sunset. Golden-Fairplay over Kenosha Pass (10,000ft) on that big ass rig was a long day in the saddle. One of my biggest days.

Next morning made a break for Salida. Headed into Fibark raft festival in order to party my balls off after a long ride.

The New Belgium employees had a Mountain Chalet on the Arkansas River and were nice enough to let me sleep in the backyard in exchange for volunteering to pour some beers during the festival. We partied our balls off during fibark. The highlights were the HUGE post festival bar tabs, singing country songs, the barrels of fun with Kyle and the joust with Keith at the carnival. SICK. Also, Annie from New Belgium was such a good host and really set me straight with the Salida scene. One of the best people I met on my trip.

Keith giving me a sweet barb-wire tribal tatt. He is also the artist that painted the garage door mural at Road34.

A nasty Nasty NASTY hangover stuck with me after Fibark. I was the last motherfucker to pull outta that town after the festival on Monday morning. I was hurting soooooo bad that I only made it to Buena Vista by that evening. I was dizzy, miserable, and pushing into a stiff headwind. I couldn't keep food down and could barely drink water. Cars were rushing by me making me nervous and neurotic. All in all, this part of the trip was the absolute worst. Lowest of the low. I almost lost it in a Subway. So I decided say "fuck it" and go straight to the Buena Vista hot springs. This paid off in dividends. I had a good 3-4 hour soak that evening, and another hour long soak at sunrise the next day. Completely refreshed, I was ready to pedal over the biggest mountain ranges in Colorado. I'll save that tale for next time.

Zness out.

Old Skool 7 - Sk8r Boi

2011-07-20T17:22:00.000-07:00

Damn! I was just looking back on this blog and realized that I forgot about my "Old Skool" series. What a sweet idea! OK. Here's one of me from the good ol' days back when we had a sick skate ramp in back yard and Co-Diesel and I would have ollie practices til dawn. Sick drop in bro.

Shred on.
Zness

Heil Ranch to Hall Ranch Loop

2011-07-20T16:46:00.000-07:00

Awhile back my buddy Marki$$$ and I went out the shred in Lyons. One of our favorite trails is Hall's Ranch. I really recommend riding this trail, it is a blasty. Very challenging to clean the lower section both climbing and descending. Here's a LINK to my first post about this loop. I suggest doing the upper loop clockwise. That is the direction that I have the most fun in.

Anyways, the only drawback to Hall's Ranch is that it is kind of short. MarkiXXX and I decided that in order to add some mileage to this loop that we would add on the Heil Ranch loop as well. I wouldn't really recommend Heil Ranch by itself. It is very rocky and full of scree which is kind of fun, but so cumbersome it prevents really ripping. There is also not a lot of vertical feet to cover. It's decent, but I think the best way to ride this place is to do what we did and add it to the awesomeness of Hall Ranch. Also right at the north end of Heil there is a dirt jump park which makes this loop extra fun. Sick.

Lyons Dirt Jump Park

Heil to Hall Ranch Trax

Heil to Hall Ranch Profile

What makes this loop the ABSOLUTE BEST is stopping at Oskar Blues afterward. They have really really good beer and a fucking AWESOME menu. Very mountain bike friendly menu (large portions). If you want my suggestion I would order an ice cold Dales Pale Ale, A Silo Burger, a shot of Jim Beam, and a large water. It's goddamn heaven on earth.

Stay rowdy sumbitches
Zness

Tres Montañas 2011

2011-07-20T13:51:00.000-07:00

Just got done with my 4 week long bike tour. I'll post a blog about that big ride up here sooner or later. It'll be a big one. In the meantime I took my new and improved legs out for a try at this year's Tres Montañas Bounty. My legs are still so strong from my bike tour I felt like I was cheating. It was hot as piss out there, so afterwards I went skinny dipping in the reservoir, watched Thor win another tour stage, drank a six pack, and went to the Rockies/Braves game with Dane and Hess-Diese. What a alcoholic shit show! Anyway, here's the map and profile. Sorry no pics, but here's one of my touring rig in case you were curious.

Surly Long Haul Trucker outside of Fairplay, Colorado.

Here's the stuff for the new and much more difficult Tres Montañas 2011 Bounty. Not for the squeamish. Especially in 90 degree heat. I sharted the ol chamois somewhere between Montaña Uno & Montaña Dos. Pretty brutal. Jumping in Horsetooth afterward was highly satisfying.

Tres Montañas 2011 Trax

Tres Montañas 2011 Profile

I've got a ton more rides to blog. I'll try to stay on it for you. Thanks for checking back in after such a long time away.

Zness

Roger Cline and the Three Amigos this weekend

2011-02-18T02:28:00.000-08:00

Here is the only non-bike related post I've ever put up, but it was too long of a message for the fuck-wads over at facebook:

Here we go you Fucking Dirty Banditos. I'm about as ready for this weekend as you are. It's going to be a tiny nano-second whirlwind of bikes, friends, alcohol, heros, laughing, fighting, memories, amateur wrestling, music, cooperation and companionship. Take care of each other for fuck's sake. Give your patience and love to everyone you see, and for shit's sake leave your bike at the bar and take a cab home, we'll watch it for you while your sleeping, plus your front teeth are too pretty to lose (especially Sickles'). Also, check out this video from about the 5 minute mark on if you have a couple free minutes.

Mexi Talent Show Part 5 of 5

Peace, Love, Bikes, and Warm Beer,
Zness da Pness

The Figure ∞

2010-12-28T13:46:00.000-08:00

After years and years of biking Horsetooth and Lory parks, there are still new rides to be discovered. I know that this is not a new concept to anyone who lives near a spider's web of trail, but the same trails, ridden in different directions and looped differently can be a totally different riding experience, even for someone who rides them almost everyday. This was the case with a loop that I thought of trying out that I dubbed the Figure ∞.

For some reason, I every time I have ever climbed the Towers road to the top was to ride Mill Creek. It was this strange phenomenon in my brain that if I bothered to climb all the way up there that I would reward myself by riding Mill Creek. That was idiotic. Mill Creek shares the same trailhead as the Spring Creek Trail, and I realized I had never ripped Spring Creek top to bottom (from the top of Towers Road down to the Spring Creek bridge). It is absolutely one of the fastest, rockiest, and funnest descents in the park. Then I realized I could mix that epic ride with my other favorite park loop that I call Fun Run to make a loop that started and finished at the Soderberg lot and sort of resembled a "Figure 8" or "∞" symbol. It turns out that if you have the time that this loop has an incredibly high "Fun Factor", it is full of great vistas, and (in the same spirit as a good beer) should be enjoyed with friends!

Doug has a rad mountain rig. Fully.

Climbing Towers Road. You can see the road ascending in the distance

Close up of the climb ahead

Doug and Kristen grindin up the hill

Doug w/ Longs peak looming in the distance

Group ride times

Longs Peak

Audra Culver trail view of Horsetooth rock. Without a doubt the most scenic trail in the park

GPS trax

GPS profile. Final downhill from Harrington to the Valley is highlighted above

Map mode.

I know the east coast is getting pounded by snow, but as you can see from the photos, we are still bone dry between 7000 and 8000 feet. It's almost new years and we're still ripping trail like it's September around here. I've never seen anything like it. As I write this blog, we're having another sunny day in the mid fifties. It's a bit unsettling to think that there hasn't been any significant snowfall here this year, but we're gonna make the best of it and keep riding.

Next up: New Years Eve. Hope to see y'all in 2011. Happy New Year! I'm glad we made it this far together, raise a heart felt cheers to those who haven't, and to many many more to come!

Zness da Pness

New Bike Day. LHT. Maiden Voyage.

2010-12-23T16:42:00.000-08:00

Big ideas usually end up nestling up in my brain and cause me to fixate on them. Then it usually results in spending big money. The big idea? Tour biking. It's definitely for me. As soon as the weather turns, I'm gone! So I dropped the coin, and with Matt II, and The Juice looking over my shoulder I managed to even build this bike up as well. This was my first bike build, and I learned a ton. I could definitely do it again.

This is my first new bike in about 3 years, so I'm pretty amped. Fully racked and ready to climb over a few mountain ranges.

I took it out for a quick rip around the front range just to see how she handles. I loaded it down as much as possible before the ride and as heavy as it is (35lbs, unloaded), I climbed like a motherfucker on it. It was a breeze after having climbed a lot on my fixie. It's amazing that a couple gears can make that weight seemingly disappear. Here's a few pics from the loop. Oh yea. If you decide to cruise this loop or anywhere around it I recommend the little highway offshoot of N Co Rd 29 instead of N Co Rd 27. Way more scenic.

(start of N Co Rd 29)

Water runout canal from the reservoir. It would be cool to see running full.

Side view of Horsetooth Rock.

View of the climb ahead.

Ripped this loop clockwise.

Also...

Big Red's back in San Diego for a less than thrilling rematch against Washington. GBR.

Still no snow here in the FC. Surprising, but it's coming, so get out there!

Rock on,
Zness

Nettles Shred

2010-12-06T22:49:00.000-08:00

About a month ago I got to rip another Rist-Buckhorn Canyon Loop with Shred Nettles. I've been meaning to post up some photos from this ride and am finally getting around to it. There were a couple of interesting things about this ride. We did it on Nov 12, and had no idea of the extreme temperature swings we were going to experience. You can tell from the photos that we experienced hot and cold weather, but holy shit... We went from dripping wet with sweat, to balling up our fists and holding them in our shirts cause they were so fucking cold. But whatever, I'm used to fucking ballin. I also found an old Dead Dear Bike Gang sticker that morning that we strategically placed at the very tip-top of the climb, although it's pink and kind of hard to see, it's still there to this day. Finally, I figured it best to buy a 5th of bourbon before such a long trek, but I was actually surprised that I finished it well before I got home. I honestly didn't think I would actually finish a whole bottle of booze on a loop like this. Oh well, it kept me feelin toasty!

2 näive dudes that didn't know what lied ahead.

fuck yes we are, license plate.

*gulp

Heading outta LaPorte

George got Sepia as fuck on this ride.

The canyon was a mix of ice/snow/sun.

Emerging from the canyon and getting sun was so nice.

Done with the last climb. Single Speed grindin!

DDBG strikes again.

*gulp

*gulp

*gulp (notice the clothes change for the DH)

I guess it's a party over there.

Maximum Aero. Fully.

*gulp

*gulp

It's kind of hard to see, but there is a para-glider cruisin around up there.

You can barely see Horsetooth Rock back on the left horizon.

Young gentlemen ordering another shot of whiskey.

"Hey let's ride Pineridge!"

A bit muddy.

So goddamn thick with mud that both of our bike tires seized to the fenders. My shit is still covered in mud to this day. Maybe Pineridge wasn't such a good plan after all.

Next time, I gotta do this loop backward. But I'll wait til a warmer day.

"Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy...."
-John Denver

Cold Beers and Warm Whiskey Cheers!
-Zness

Greg's B-Day Ride

2010-12-06T19:32:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday DJ G-Child!

Asher works for New Belgium now so we drink in STYLE. So delicious after a climb.

Asher sure loves his rigid SS!

I set a new record on the DH today. Great conditions. I'd like to thank Global Warming.

BTW: Broke my camera again. I cannot suggest buying Canons Digital Elph. I've burned through 2 in 6 months and they are complete pieces of shit. I never dropped or jarred this one in any significant way. The last one I had was dropped once from waist high. They used to be good. They are not anymore. Fuck them and the hundreds of wasted dollars I spent on them.

SIDENOTE: Having no camera might negatively affect this blog. Hopefully I can craigslist up a solution.

SIDENOTE 2: Owning a digital camera has NOTHING to do with having the time of your life blasting bikes with your friends. Who really gives a fuck about our bullshit digital existence anyways? Tasty beer and reliable bikes are all that matters.

Keep it ANALOG you BOSS-Fucking-Hogs!
Zness tha Pness.

Cold Shred for Big Red (NO FAT CHICKS!)

2010-11-30T16:52:00.000-08:00

Lately the only days I've been able to really get out and rip are either Fridays or Saturdays. I usually rip these rides in my Husker jersey. I've found that if I do 35 miles or more for my weekend ride that Nebraska has NEVER lost. I guess I'm being a bit superstitious.

2 weeks ago Schuyler, myself, and the dudes from Black Sheep Cycles set out on a 35 degree day. Once the sun went down it was one of the coldest mountain bike rides I've ever done. Although I've done a few road rides that are colder (I'll save those for another post). We started in the Fort, rode out to The Ridge of the Co-yo-te, looped Indian Summer to Blue Sky, stopped at the Canyon Grill, and then rode through Lory, up the North Dam, and then down Foothills North. It was cold, booze fueled fun, but apparently not enough for a NU victory.

[SIDENOTE: The referees decided beforehand that A&M was going to win and literally gave Nebraska a shot to the balls (this dude had is testicle ripped off and RECEIVED a 30 yard penalty for his trouble...)which resulted in a heartbreaking loss to A&M 9-6. Well. It could be worse considering NU is still playing for the title on Saturday. GBR.]

Here's a few shots from the ride. Luckily all of our testicles came back intact. (as far as I know!)

Nice 36" Black Sheep Bicycle. It rips!

Snow starting to fall in the foothills of Lory. Gettin Cold.

Schuyler gets HOT when the weather gets COLD.

Pal'n down the highway

And of course...

(Check the license plates!)

Stay Nasty,
Zness

Old Skool 6: Back to Danimal

2010-11-29T12:55:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the lack of posts! I'm still riding quite a bit and logging them for the blog. I'll get around to posting those rides soon. I need to get done with classes and have some whiskey time in front of the computer. I've had a lot of cold rides recently that are a ton of fun. In the meantime, I've got plenty of old skool photos that are really easy to post up.

Anyways, I just ran into Danimal while I was grabbing a burrito after snowboarding at Keystone. We had a shot of well whiskey and a beer, then I had to be on my way. No one shreds like ol' Danimal so I decided to make him the subject of another installment of "Old Skool".

Here is is spotting his DH line through the state of Montana on a road trip from 2003.

And for your enjoyment here is some more Old Skool Fun!

I spy with my little eye:
1) Zness' GT Agressor 1.0 referenced in Old Skool 4
2) A bottle of Kroger brand dish soap.
3) Tailgate ready "Knockout/Lightning" B-Ball Hoop
4) Eddie Herbs
5) The Bile Traveler
6) Willy's railslide
7) Will's old snowmobile (partially obscured)
8) Fully rallied Danimal ready to lay down some rubber in the goddamn driveway!

Burnin rubber y'all.

Zness

The Whiskey 50

2010-11-04T15:30:00.001-07:00

My buddy Nettles told me about an epic mtn bike race (btw: I don't race, I just finish!) called the Whiskey 50. It takes place every year in the town of Prescott, AZ near Se-Bone-Ya. Supposedly alcohol is encouraged and Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers rock the event every year. Why the fuck I never heard about this shit before? I dunno. But hey, it's only 14 HOURS by car. So let's take the weekend off and go rip this one. Somebody else has to drive back though. I call backseat.

CHECK IT HERE: Whiskey 50

Here's how we drink at Roger Clyne shows... Tequila by the BARREL!

You Booze you DON'T Looze!
Zness

It's Fixin Season - Fort Collins/Boulder Rip

2010-11-04T09:49:00.000-07:00

Last Friday, I planned on carpoolin back to Lincoln from Boulder for the NU-Mizzou final BigXII beat down. I realized a few weeks ago that since I've been riding bikes, any time I do 30-50 miles on Game weekend, NU has NEVER lost. This motivated me to get up at 8 am after a night of work and bike to Boulder for a 12 noon departure time. It was a beautiful day and the ride was near perfect. When I got to Pearl Street, they were actually evacuating all the business and offices west of 11th because of a wildfire. The power was out and there were fire trucks and excited people everywhere. I've never seen anything quite like it. Here's some shots from along the way.

Gettin started

Longs Peak w/ a fellow commuter

There are a ton of Ranches betwixt here and there

The 'staple' of any good road ride. ha.

Moonset over Longs. It looked way more majestic in real life. Shitty camera, I guess

Tons of people ask me what is the best way to get to Boulder from the FC. I've done it 3 times now and can say with confidence that my favorite route is to:
1. Head out on Taft Hill Rd.
2. Taft turns into Wilson
3. West on W.1st St
4. South on 21 S
5. West on 42nd St SW
6. South on No Co Rd 23
7. Follow slight bend West on W. Co Rd 6 back to South on No Co Rd 23E
8. No Co Rd 23E turns into N 83rd St.
9. West on Woodland Road (by the Ham Radio Tower Guy!)
10. South on N. 75th St. (cross over hwy 66 and go through hygiene)
11. Slight bend west on Plateau Rd to end up traveling south on N. 73rd St.
12. Slight bend west to travel south on N 71st St.
13. From here you can go to Diagonal and cruise into Boulder (traffic, but faster) or head west from the Niwot Rd turn on N 73rd and then head south on N 55th/51st streets (little longer, less traffic).

I know it sounds like a lot of directions, but it's a really simple route of country roads where you just travel a little west and a little south at at time.

This profile is actually from Boulder back to FC, so reverse it if you're going from FC-Boulder.

Here we are at our final destination. GBR!

Finally, we turned right back around and headed back to Broomfield, CO for the HalloWEEN concert. We chewed up a lot of miles this weekend. Rippin time, though!

Gene n Deaner doin they thang... Fuckin SICK!

¡Buenos Tardes Amigos!
Zness

It's Fixin Season (Again... Kinda...)

2010-10-25T21:34:00.000-07:00

Even if it's just temporary, the weather in FC is changing. It feels like winter. We even got micro amounts of snow tonight. This past weekend was rainy and cold, which reminded me of the very first blog that I ever did for fcbikerant. Just because the trails are muddy, doesn't mean there isn't a ton of fun riding to do around here. The trails even dried up by Sunday and were in great shape.

This past Friday I opted for the early bed time so I could get up and try my luck at a loop that I've wondered for years if I could clean on my singlespeed. I also wanted to be back home and drunk before the NU vs OSU kickoff at 1:30. The idea was to head up Rist Canyon, then bomb back down and around Buckhorn Canyon through Masonville, then across the damn and back down by the stadium. I knew that I had the distance and vertical, but there is one section at the top of Rist with 4 relentless switchbacks that even my car has trouble keeping traction on. I've always wondered if cleaning this section was possible on my SS, the hardest part being that it's at the very top of a 3000 ft. climb. Turns out it was some work, but not too big of a deal.

The only thing that I've changed on my bike is the addition of the flip-flop hub (fixed/free). The reason for this is that I found out the hard way that anything over about 50 miles of riding fixed tends to tweak my knee a bit and freak me out. I love riding fixed a lot, but not so much when it's bad on the knees. It's still the funnest town bike I've ever had, but for these longer distance winter road rides, I decided a little bit of coasting isn't so bad (especially when bombing big hills).

Here are some photos that I took along the way. Almost all of them were taken while I was still moving in the saddle. What a beautiful day. Next time I'll probably do this one in reverse.

First stop at Vern's for eggs and coffee on a cold, gray day.

Gettin Started

It's a long way to the top from the Whale Rock

I thought I knew the canyon but I still experienced a lot of false summits when I thought the last climb was around the corner.

Then the opposite happened. I thought there were 2 more switchbacks on the final climb, but it turned out I was done. At the top. I was feelin pretty good about it too.

Mostly downhill after that. Here are photos of the Buckhorn Canyon descent. Jumpin cattle guards and rippin.

BTW. Watch out for cattle in the road. I blazed around the corner and almost drilled a few.

A view of Horsetooth Rock from the south side.

And of course I wouldn't do a loop that didn't end up at the bar. Plus, the Eagles won 14-0 that day. Coincidence?

At the end of my ride the skies started to clear up.

Right after I took this photo while cruisin across the damn, I noticed a spandex-carbon fiber-geared bike roadie about 250 yards ahead of me on what would be the last climb of my ride. I always love blowing by these dudes on my single speed so I put my head down and tried to beat him up the climb of which he had a substantial head start. I had 2 choices as I came up on his back wheel near the top of the climb 1) Get my camera out and get a photo of him or 2) Pass him and get on with my life. I chose the latter and enjoyed cranking right by him, but I missed the photo op. Luckily Google Images had a photo that looked pretty much just like him that I can share with you (except he wasn't smiling).

Rist-Buckhorn Trax

Rist-Buckhorn Profile

It's cool to know that even though winter is here and I won't be able to mtn bike as much, there are still concrete rides around here that are a lot of fun.
Keep kickin ass y'all. Thanks for checkin in.

Zness

The DEFINITIVE Chadron State Park Mountain Bike Post

2010-10-22T20:46:00.000-07:00

For once this blog will serve a purpose other than to give data about trails everyone already has ridden 100 times anyways. This blog will actually contain information that is actually not available ANYWHERE ELSE ON THE INTERNET. Go ahead. Search around. I did. I searched for hours and found no useful information on what mountain biking was like at Chadron State Park in Chadron, Nebraska. So if you found this blog while searching Google and are wondering what the riding is like there, look no further, you just lucked out. This is it.

My little brother plays football for the Chadron State Eagles and I wanted to cruise up there to catch a home game. I heard that there was mountain biking in the area at Chadron State Park. Being from Nebraska, I was a little skeptical about the riding there and went to check the internet so see what it might be like. I searched MTBR, Google, and the Nebrasaka State Parks web pages and couldn't even find an up-to-date trail map, let alone any type of riding conditions. I looked everywhere for any pertinent data, but came up with nothing. I even started my own mtbr thread and didn't get any real help about what the trails were like there. I ran into so many information dead-ends that when I went to ride this park, I knew that I would have to serve a crucial role in the history of the world biking community and be the first person to put up any info on what it's like to mountain bike at CSP.

I decided that since it was Nebraska, that I would have more fun riding these trails on my fixie. I figured since I've ridden a decent amount of Colorado trails fixed (18 Road, Lory State Park, etc.) that choosing what bike to ride would be a no brainer. I loaded up my new shred rig (below) and hit the road.
It turns out that an XC rig with a couple of gears is perfect for this park. I was riding fixed rigid and had a bit of a hard time cleaning this loop. I suggest a 29er rigid or XC rig.
Time wise if you plan on riding CSP you can do the loop that I did in about an hour. There's really nothing to it. By most Colorado standards, it's just a short little ripper. If you're a beginner, this will really challenge you, but it's still totally do-able. You're gonna love it.

HERE is what I was looking for. The Holy Grail of Chadron State Park.... A Map. A god damn map. I swear that this information is NOT on the web. Well, it is now! Fuckin A! In pink is the loop that I did and suggested direction (clockwise).

This is what I saw when I started this loop and I almost shit. Their trail is seriously a lawn mower path cut through the grass. I couldn't believe that this was what they called "trail". I just laughed out loud and said "fuck it". Luckily, it got much better after this.

As I continued, the "trail" was still a lawn mower cut path, but it was getting better.

Finally when I started out to Lookout Point some rockier singletrack started to emerge.

Now we're gettin somewhere. This was one of the climbs that was a little too steep for the gearing of my fixie. Starting to get fun though.

The views of the canyons and bluffs were really cool and surprised me when I came up on them. Some of the cliffs were easily 100ft. You can see the trail in the foreground.

This is a view down the canyon from Lookout Point. This is probably the highest vertical point in the park and is enough of a pedal to get the blood flowing.

Another shot of Lookout Point.

Here's a shot of what Black Hills Overlook Trail is mostly like. It follows the flowy ridgeline and dips and curves. A real fast easy ripper and a lot of fun.

I came through at sunset and had a cool view of Fire in the Sky.

Panoramic view of Lookout Point. To the left, you can see the trail flowing off into the distance. Like I said, good times.

Bottom Line: If you are just passing by on Highway 385, stop and do this loop. It's fast, fun, and better than a rest-stop blow job. If you're staying in Chadron for a few days, stop and session these loops for a long afternoon, there's still a few spots that I didn't see and you could probably ride every square inch of this park in about 3 hours (4 if you like to fuck around).
If none of this appeals to you fucking purists out there and you don't think going to Nebraska to mountain bike is fun enough for you, Chadron State Park has you covered. Right at the bottom of the trails, if you think you've got the balls and you wanna get real nasty...
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There's a fuckin TORNADO SLIDE! YEAH!!

There ya go. Nebraska Mountain Biking... Who knew? The camping and shredding at Chadron State Park could totally have potential be as good or better than 18 Road in Fruita with a little bit of thought and bike infrastructure (although that probably will never happen). As for now it's pretty basic.

Side Note: NUs got the Okie State Cowboys for the last time tomorrow and it could be a season deciding game. So...

GBR!

Zness da Pness

OH SHIT!!! I almost forgot the two best stops on my trip through The Panhandle. FUCK!

How could I forget the majestic and historic Chimney Rock, which was a hopeful outpost for many early pioneers of The Great Western Migration of the 1800s and was a part of the Oregon and Mormon Trails???

Also, there is not more mysterious sight than that of Carhenge; just north of Alliance, NE. No one knows for sure how these strange automobiles came to be here and why. Although conservative christians believe that when the Earth was formed over 6000 years ago, the primeval people of that era used their domesticated dinosaurs to move and place these ancient automobiles in some sort of statement against birth control. Or at least that's what the brochure says....

Old Skool 5

2010-10-06T03:03:00.000-07:00

I spy. With my little eye.
1. Ryan Schure's $400 "Independant Bike Co." Frame
2. Loft with TV stand built-in by R.S., W.O., and B.M.
3. Johnny Walker display case.
4. Art Bell's "C-Crane Radio"
5. A Piece of Fine Sewn Artwork
6. Classic Authentic 1981 Arcade Machine w/ High Score by Zness da Pness

(the name of this post was "old skool". yup yup.)

Zness da Pness

Teton Pass Pt. 2

2010-10-05T22:48:00.000-07:00

Yep. Yessir. It's been a long goddamn time since I've blogged. I've been biking. A lot. It's great, and the shredding is only getting better as we're getting into fall. I feel kind of bad for not posting, but it's just fine considering I've been riding instead and no one reads this damn thing anyways. If you actually read this blog, I'm backed up about 7 or 8 posts that you will definitely dig when they're done. In the meantime, we took the Road34 company trip back up to Teton Pass Wyoming. I've already written about the sick DH that is up there (Lithium, Fuzzy Bunny, Jump Trail, etc...)

But this trip, the only 2 things I did was abuse the SHIT outta alcohol and ride XC.

In order to keep this blog somewhat informative, the XC ride recommendations that I've done are as follows.

1: Definitely hitchhike or pedal up to the "Arrow Trail-Phillips Canyon-Stagecoach Bar Loop" in Wilson, Wyo. You get tons of free vertical from the hitch hike and this is one of the rippingest XC rides I've ever been on (photos below). Unbelievably scenic and unbelievably down hill the whole way (if you hitch to the trailhead)

2: We did the "From Town-Putt Putt-Game Creek Loop" and had a fun. It's a ripper, but I DO NOT recommend it. The singletrack to dirt road ratio is just not good enough. Although the scenery is fucking INCREDIBLE (see below). Instead I recommend the "Snow King-Hagen Highway-Hagen Trail-Putt Putt Loop" for a fun and easy rip. OR the "Snow King-Ferrins-Westfork/GameCreek-Back to Putt Putt Loop" for a complete Dick In The Dirt XC Ride for Badasses Only Rip.

For a Topo Look, check THIS LINK.

All the rest of it was a fucking insane party that had a little to do with biking and a lot to do with fucking shit up. I can't tell you what happened (what happens in Jackson stays in Jackson!). Let's let the photos tell the story. Where do we begin? Hmmm.... Well let's just say we had a...

...fireworkin

...gambling

...ripping (Arrow)

...XCing (Arrow/Phillips Canyon)

....stream blasting (Phillips Canyon)

...fixed gear rippin (sink or swim trail)

...post ride swimming (about 40 degrees)

...bar stool rodeoin

...2 steppin

...XC crankin

...moose huntin

...fish spottin

...Marlboro Red smokin

...drag racin, cowpokin, colorado kool-aid sippin

...backward chair sittin

...sluttin it all up

...mad huckin

...pal'n round

...longneck drinkin, shot poppin

...skizz skang sluttin

HELLUVA GOOD TIME!

Grow a mustache and get in a fight you fucking dipshits.
Love,
Zness da Pness

Blue Sky to Indian Summer Loop

2010-08-30T09:00:00.000-07:00

A lot of people who are visiting town or thinking of getting into mountain biking always ask me, "What's a good beginner trail?" Well the answer is Blue Sky Trail. This last summer, the trailhead was rebuilt with it's own parking lot (across the street from Canyon Bar/Grill", which is nice) and was also completely graded and almost all of the rocks removed. It has even been mowed. This is the ultimate beginner trail. It kind of pisses me off that they did that to this trail, but I also realize that this town needs a nice buffed-out beginner trail so that tourists and people who are just getting started have somewhere fun to pedal. And even though I bitch about it, I still always have fun out there, although next time I'll probably make it more interesting by just riding it on my fixed gear.

Like I said the trail starts/finishes at it's brand new parking lot across from The Canyon Grill. By adding the Indian Summer Loop to this ride, it adds a little more distance and singletrack (although Indian Summer is rocky and not nearly as buffed). At the junction of the Coyote Ridge trail, there is a detailed trail map with directions and mileages which is handy. The Indian Summer loop is best done clockwise, by heading south on the road and climbing the switchbacks rather than descending switchbacks (if done counterclockwise). After the loop, climb back out of the valley (pretty steep for beginners, you might have to walk) and head back on Blue Sky the way you came. For intermediate riders this is a pretty short loop.

Here is a photo of the Blue Sky/Coyote Ridge junction. You can see from this photo that this trail has been graded, buffed, and mowed. Also, the trail map is visible on the right.

Climbing Blue Sky

Here's my buddy Darrin at the top of the last climb. He was breathin pretty hard, but cleaned it no problem.

Anyone who rides the Front Range a lot knows what it's like to be rippin down a trail and have one of these assholes sprawled out across the whole damn trail. You can either lock up the brakes or try the last second bunny hop maneuver.

Snakey didn't wanna move. What an asshole.

Blue Sky Elevation Profile. The highlighted portion is from the highest point on Indian Summer back to the parking lot.

Blue Sky Trax

Well there ya go beginners. Now you can stop asking me. Watch out for Snakey, he's not scared of bikes.

Zness

Old Skool 4

2010-08-16T22:22:00.000-07:00

DISCLAIMER:
The idea for this post is has been on my mind for awhile, and quite frankly it seems too much like a memoir. Which means that with my limited writing skills, I will do it no justice. So, I decided to drink a half bottle of wine and let my fingers fly across the keyboard instead of giving this a lot of genuine effort. Nevertheless, this post feels like it's a bit too personal. But who reads this damn thing anyways? And hell, on some level, it's still about bikes.
-------------------------------
FOREWORD:
I moved to the ol' FC in the winter of 2000 right out of tech college with a good job opportunity. I was 20 years old and until that time I had never even seen a mountain in person. I still find this fact almost absurd. I must also note that at the time I hated country music. If you know me at all this is a fact that is no less than unfathomable.

Being a "normal" product of my rural Nebraska upbringing, I was no stranger to alcohol, tobacco, weed, nirvana, drunk driving, west coast rap, and all myriad of other vices. In fact, as many of my peers were prone to do, I prided myself on mass consumption of these vices. I was an alcoholic chain smoker with a 40 cigarette a day habit and a passion for booze that still runs deep to this day (although at that time it was quite a bit more habitual). Back in those days I also hit a high mark of 210 lbs. It seems hard to believe, but I couldn't find any photos of the "fat" me. Maybe I was camera shy. In a poetic sense I might have been nothing more than a sop with stained brown fingertips still listening to grunge and punk. Luckily, I have a few photos left from that wonderful time of disc golf and Red Dog. Here's one that seemed to capture my essence.

In this photo, it is plain to see that going on a steady diet of Camel Lights and Red Dog brought me down from a portly 210lbs to a nice and bony (and surly) 170. It's not quite the same as the "Southbeach Diet". It's called the "Midwest Weight Loss System".

Rant about Sucking:
As soon as I got to town I went to get my first mountain bike. The first place I went when I moved to town (besides the liquor store) was Lee's Cyclery in Old Town FC in order to get price-raped on a shitty bike (GT Aggressor 1.0). Lee's has built an entire generation of success moving a high volume of shitty bikes to new-to-town clueless douche-bags and, believe me, I was no exception. The neat thing is, is that they are still doing it today! You could probably stop in there any day of the week and watch their commissioned "sales brahs" give the "hard sell" on some overpriced piece of shit to some wide eyed freshman with his/her parents credit card (or the money he/she saved from delivering pizzas all summer).

It might sound something like this:

Brah: "Welcome to Lee's! Can I help you?"

Frosh: "Well... Yeah... We were looking for a bike."

Brah: "Well you came to the right place! What did you have in mind?"

Frosh's Mom (interjecting): "Well you know Micah really just needed something to get from the dorms to class."

Brah: "Excellent right over here we have some...."

Frosh: "I also want to do some mountain biking too. Do you have something that'll do both?"

Brah: "Of course we do. What is the price range you were looking at?" (testing the waters....)

Frosh's Mom: "Somewhere in the $200-$300 range."

Brah (finally gets it): "Well, we don't have anything exactly that price. But for around $500-$600 we could get him set up on one of these!...

...It's perfect for "commuting", has a great Shimano component set, and as you can see by the little rubber accordion shaped dealies on the front fork, it is "mountain ready!" Plus, these knobby tires are really good on the sick singletrack you'll find here in COLORADO!"

Cash Register: "Ching"

moving on.....

The first thing I did was load up my new aggressive aggressor (albeit the 1.0 version) with my roommate Eddy and his 1995 Specialized Rock Hopper and go up to Horsetooth Mountain Park to wheeze and walk my new shred stick up and back down the mountain in a completely miserable and disenchanting reality check. I was even bleeding out both shins and an elbow for some goddamn reason. I probably slipped while shouldering my bike over a fucking rock or some bullshit. When we got back to the parking lot I knew that from then until eternity I would never, EVER "mountain bike" again.

After a few more vain attempts and a few more years of bleeding, stitches, and surgery, I finally was offered a "real" mountain bike (KHS Team). By this point, I had a much better understanding that getting up the hill was much harder (and could possibly be just as much fun) as getting down. I had finally seen good mountain bikers shred tech-y up and down and at least had a cursory knowledge of what was really going on. Just to see what was possible on a bike was all it took. I knew that although it was physically and mentally impossible at that point for me to achieve success on a bike, I paradoxically knew that I could do it. Fuck it, right? It must've been all that Minor Threat music telling me to do whatever the fuck I wanted. And I wanted to bike.

This mutha fuckin bike still climbs great and shreds to this day. Great bike. (BTW: $400. Lee's woulda charged a GRAND.)

Getting to the Point:
The motherfucking point is.... I MEAN the fucking point IS.... What was I saying? Ummm. Hold on. Oh yeah. Biking and shit. Gimme that wine real quick. Ok.

Living in west Fort Collins, I live next to what me and my friends refer to as "a great backyard". The network of trails just west of our houses are extensive, challenging, rocky as hell, and accessible with no automobile. Quite simply, it's perfect. It's what this whole blog is about really. With my new understanding and appreciation for what bikers were really accomplishing on trail, I made it my goal to "clean" my local trail. The "Nebraska Me" wouldn't have even considered it. The loop seems fairly simple now, but I'm telling you to most people it is not. To actually "clean" (pedal the entire loop without putting a foot down) this loop is one hell of an accomplishment. Even now. I don't care how good you are, maybe you clean it 97% of the time, it is still something to be proud of.

The big part of me trying to accomplish my goal was to switch to clipless pedals. Which scared the hell outta me. I was predisposed to getting fucking injured all the time anyways, so it was very unappealing to physically attach myself to my bike. If you ever feel the same way about going clipless let me just say one thing:
Fuck you man. That shit is the best thing ever. So you might fall over a couple times.... No big. I literally got 100% better at climbing the day I went clipless. But hell, that 's just me.

Time and weather permitting, I pedaled that loop every goddamn motherfuckin day that I could for a year and a half. It was my white whale. It fucked with me. I pedaled it rested, hungover, drunk. I sessioned the tech-y parts. I watched my dick-hole friends clean it with ease. I knew and named every rock that ever knocked me over (with names like "that fuckin pointy-ass rock" or "that goddamn off-camber-dusty-piece-of-fuck-rock near the fence that is too damn close to that other shit-ass rock"). I broke expensive bike parts. I bled, cursed, and physically kicked the shit outta this trail with my feet. And BTW, don't get pissed and punch and kick rocks. It's stupid and it hurts.

Life is funny like this.

One day. I clipped into my KHS. I rode up and over all the rocks I spent so much time naming. They were still sons of bitches, but I knew them well. When I got to the point in the trail where there was only downhill left to shred, I thought to myself, "I guess you're a mountain biker". I'm not going to lie. I was proud of myself. It was a long time coming but it seemed very anti-climactic. I can only assume that most drawn out successes probably are.

Epilogue (it's about time, huh?):

I used these small successes as an excuse to buy a Yeti. This was the official day that my bike was more expensive than my car. A true Coloradoan. I never understood that concept until I was one of those people (coincidentally, I got the same feeling when I bought a subaru).

Here are a couple of photos from that loop that doesn't seem so damn impossible anymore.

This is one of the sections of rocks I used to name that I could NEVER clean. Loose and jagged, it taught me how to GO UP.

A look down the approach of the "stair section" of Shoreline Trail.

The new Yeti is a lot smoother down that section than the KHS. Although I still ride the KHS a couple times a year just for fun (and nostalgia).

"Old Skool Loop" elevation profile.

Old Skool Loop from the Sputnik's POV. Damn Commies.

I can't say that taking all of this time and effort to post such a rambling self revealing diatribe about why I do what I do was worth anything. I guess I can only think that I'm not the only one who has had experiences like this. I have a love for biking. I LOVE biking. It's something I will do as long as my body lets me. If for nothing else, I think a lot of people can relate.

The vices are still lingering a bit, but at least now I don't view them as accomplishments. And as I finish this meandering blog, my mind is drifting to other biking accomplishments that I know for a fact are just as impossible (paradoxically) as the one I've just described, but I would hate to tell you what they are now on the off-chance that I never achieve them. But believe me, they are the things that I think of as I fall asleep every night. I hope to not only accomplish them, but also find new and more challenging ones. (and to stop punching and kicking rocks and dirt, which I still do from time to time)

Lastly, I feel Colorado is undoubtedly a beautiful place and also my HOME. The rocky mountains, the majestic vistas, the hairy-ass women. But even after 10 years... There's nothing like a flat, green, stretch of football field on a crisp fall Saturday afternoon. In other words...

"There is no place like Nebraska! Good ol' Nebraska 'U'!..."
Bos Before Hos Y'all!

You can take the boy out Nebraska, but you can't take Nebraska out tha boy. GBR. Bitches.

Thanks for reading,
Zness da Pness.

Fun Run

2010-08-03T19:42:00.001-07:00

So I go through phases all the time about which trails are my current favorites. Most of the reasons why a trail is my favorite are pretty much inexplicable to me, but I am assuming that my subconscious must be having more genuine fun on a particular loop over another and I find myself on those trails over and over again. For example. Young's Gulch is about as much fun as bumping your head on a kitchen cabinet and stubbing your baby toe at the same time. So fuck that place, you won't see me there. Ever. Conversely, this loop (southridge-wathan-harrington-careysprings-sawmill) is the epic "fun run" of 2010.

I might change my tune next year, but this year I have done it over and over again. Starting and finishing at the Soderberg lot at Horsetooth Res, it's a straightforward climb, followed by an all singletrack descent. And the singletrack is arguably the best in FC. Now that I have almost every rock garden memorized, I just rip the fuck outta these trails chillin out the whole way down. Beautiful.

Bottom Line? Rip this one until it's under snow. It's the best loop around. Fuck, man. Come ride with me I'm always down.

BONUS FEATURES:

About 1h to 1h 30m ride time
All fire road ascent with an all rippin singletrack descent (just check the profile)
Drive-thru liquor store right at the bottom. I mean RIGHT THERE! (cold cold brews are waiting)
Bar and Grill at the bottom if you want a shot of Beam and a steak burger.

Me, Marki$$$, and Burt at the top of Wathan earlier this year.

Fun Run Trax

Fun Run Proflie. Such a ripper.

Well, now you just don't have any excuses when you can't think of anything "Fun" to do. Let's rip this one! I'll be the post ride D.D.

Zness da Pness

One Speed Open: Saturday August 28th

2010-08-03T12:23:00.001-07:00

Here's a kind of race that I can get into. It's a VERY CASUAL one speed race. Most of it on dirt. All of it for charity. I've only done this race once and it was simply fun. No fuss or bullshit (albeit the majority of the FC indies will probably be there with their river coumo glasses and oh so tight stonewash...). Another bonus is that it's ONE SPEED. So C-YA you gear jamming losers!

Also, quite unexpectedly, I did really well the last go round (2008). We can probably bet that lightning won't strike twice in the same place though...

Bobcat Ridge

2010-07-29T17:09:00.000-07:00

Nothin much to this post. Just the stats. Next time I cruise up to Bobcat Ridge, I'll snap some photos of the countless rock gardens, the 3 skinny bridges, the rock drops, and the log bridge that make this rip a Front Range required ride. Killer techy ups and so much DH I am physically sore by the end (which is pretty hard to do.) Just keep in mind that due to wildfires, this trail is TOTALLY EXPOSED. So sack up if you're in the sun (lots of water), or you can have a great time if you ride this sucker in the spring and fall. If you can go top to bottom in under 15 you are officially pretty darn fast. Of course there are tons of ballers around here that can shred it waaaaaaaay faster than that. And if you can clean the climb then holy shit... you could definitely outpedal Lance Armstrong's sandbagging ass.

This ride was with Schuyler, Mitch Dood, Marki$$$, and Matt II. 8AM and still hot as PISS.

Nobody enjoys a mid shred wrench like ol MarkiXXX. That is why instead of a "quick release" rear tire he has a "opposite-of-quick release". Luckily he flatted right away and we still got a great top to bottom run!

Bobcat Ridge Elevation Profile

Bobcat Ridge Trax as seen from the lord's perspective.

Keep droppin them hot beats til the bitches come a runnin!
Sincerely,
Zness da Pness

Teton Shred

2010-07-29T15:10:00.000-07:00

Once again, it's been awhile since my last post. Lets just say there have been lots of bike rides and TONS of late nights. It's hard to get on the computer at all, but I still have been bringing my camera with me and can catch up whenever I feel like taking it easy in front of the computer.

A few weeks back a crew from Road34 headed up to Teton pass in Wyoming near the Idaho border to shred DH. The Stagecoach Saloon was nice enough to let us keep the trailer in their parking lot for a couple day while we ripped. The trails up there are all shuttleable, all on public lands (that means free), and all unbelievably well built. So well built that a shitty DH rider (such as myself) was able to absolutely kill it. Tons of "point and shoot" drops and jumps that if simply hit at speed take care of themselves. I didn't even need a practice run to settle in even though I was hungover as fuck and ready to shit myself when we dropped in for our first run. Goddamn I was hurtin. Too many nights in a Roadhouse, I guess.

Our first trail we hit was Lithium. It's about a 20 minute hike-a-bike from the shuttle drop point and completely worth it. With all of our sessioning and screwing around we spent over an HOUR on this one trail. It is without a doubt the longest DH trail I've ever been on and has one kick-ass feature after another. Other completely rippin notable trails were Parallel, Fuzzy Bunny, and another one we were just calling "Jump Trail". Every feature no matter how small has beautifully built "go arounds" and even when I was in over my head I just went for it and everything was fine. No one really wrecked at all, except for Mitch who hucked his flesh pod multiple times off of the biggest shit these trails had to offer sight unseen. Hell, Mitch just bounces anyways.

Thanks again to the fellas who showed us around. We can't wait to pedal with you here in the Fort. Shots are on me of course.

Sorry I didn't get many photos y'all, but the lack of photos should speak to how awesome these trails were. Nobody wanted to stop to take or be in photos. No GPS either (although it woulda been interesting). Everyone just kept rippin. And drinkin their balls off.

Hard Pipin Crew

The only photo of me from the whole trip. First run down Lithium.

Juice on the Step-Up to Step-Down feature. I believe he was the only one to hit this beast.

Juice on the Fuzzy Bunny gap. From this angle it looks pretty straight-forward.

Juice on the Fuzzy Bunny gap. From this angle it looks a wee bit LARGER. BTW: Sick riding Juice. Some of the best shit I've ever seen. (Just so ya know, he went so far that he barely landed in the frame of this shot... damn.)

Summer is still in full effect. Try to still get out there for Tres Montañas (profile below). It's the ride of the summer!

Rip on bros and hos.
Zness da Pness

Old Skool 3

2010-07-09T00:21:00.001-07:00

Alright. Dammit. The nostalgia feelings on this one run real real deep. But what the fuck do you care? You weren't there! These kind of photos are boring to most people, but they bring me the most joy. I guess if you're interested, check out... 1) the Chinese version of a bike shop. 2)my sweet-ass-not-bald-yet hair 3) my FIRST bike that I bought overseas (it's fuckin SICK) 4) how stoked that dude is to pump up my tire and finally; 5) whoever can guess what I'm holding in my left hand wins a sick-ass prize!

Goddamn I love Old Skool.

PS: Stay safe when biking in China. Your life is not worth as much there as it is here. Do the math.

Also! The 2nd Annual Herbstox Invitational is coming up. Start peaking bitches. Prizes for podium range from cigarettes all the way to getting shot with a BB gun (or possibly a ceramic giraffe....)
It's the race of the year! Rev them Hemi's y'all!

Zia Jian,
Zness

Steamboat Springs

2010-06-29T15:12:00.000-07:00

We ripped a couple of loops in Steamboat Springs. The first few photos are from Emerald mountain. It's a great short loop that takes you to the top of Emerald up to the radio towers that you can see from pretty much everywhere. There are quite a few trails up there. They are perfect for rigid single speed. So buffed and easily climbable. Fun as shit.

Marki$$$ @ the rock quarry near the top of Emerald Mountain

MarkiXXX kickin up dust on the flowy packed single track. Most Steamboat trails I saw are like this.

Next we tried to connect a couple of loops that required us to do some real bushwacking. Details aside, we spent the day lost in the mountains linking trails that we didn't know for sure could be linked. It was exciting. We got lost a total of 3 times, hiking to high ground and fanning out looking for trail. It got a lot more exciting when we were an hour from sundown and still lost in a deep valley. Very unique ride. I don't know the names of the trails we linked. I think it was little bear-around rocky peak-down to hot springs-back to town. But I could be wrong. We were in the middle of the woods and did 2 creek crossings.

First climb of the Mega Ride. MarKISS, Chrislip, and some pretty blue flowers. Look closer.

Second creek crossing. Makes for a fun day.

Marki555 showing us that he's a man's man.

I don't know what Marquisss is doing, but I like the view.

About 3 storms rolled in while we were back in the woods. Good thing we had bourbon.

Once again. Fuck tha Heat: Stay Cool-as-a-Cucumber this summer.

ALSO:
Lots of Love to the people on this summers Injury List. Get well soon guys. Can't wait to shred with you again!
-Brently Brown (get that walker to FC, brother.)
-B Rawk (victim of hit and run driver. we'll find that fucker soon, brother.)
-Nick P. (i don't even know how you broke your foot, brother)
-Tone's new truck (not a person, but got bashed the fuck in)
-Will's truck (goddamn trees, brother)
-Anyone I might've omitted at this time (I can always post-edit you in later, brother)

STAY SAFE, HOMIES! (the rest of the world is out to run us the FUCK over.)

Hall's Ranch - Lyons, CO

2010-06-29T14:46:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven't posted in awhile. I hope you're still riding even though it's hot as shit. Summer has started and shit has been getting crazy. Just got back from Mexico with Barry and RyanSchure and weddings are coming. But that doesn't mean I'm not biking my ass off. I really just don't have the time to quit boozing and post. I'm still profiling fun rides and I figure I can just log on and throw up the stats. So here's Hall Ranch. Make sure to stop at Oskar Blues brewery in Lyons. They have a SICK menu. Get the double-pork-hamburger thingy it kicks fucking balls. And it's huge.

great view of a snowy longs peak.

one of jaime's first climbs of the year

gregatron smooth cruising the hard packed trail

halls trax

hall's elevation profile. top 2 bottom downhill about 15-20 mins. hell... try to beat 15!

Tres Montañas

2010-05-28T01:36:00.000-07:00

Well, here ya go.

Tres Montañas Trax

Tres Montañas Profile.

Have fun with this one. Find me when you're done and I'll buy you a shot of whatever the hell you want. Unless it's stupid or gross.

This one goes out to Jaime and the select few of others who grabbed the bull by the anus and did this one last year. "Goodnight you princes of Colorado, you kings of the Fort..."

Rock-n-Ballz,
Sir Zness da Pness

Get C.H.I.F.'D. y'all.

Ol' Shot Run

2010-05-27T12:23:00.000-07:00

A few Sundays back I was feelin a bit distraught by the inclement weather we were experiencing and how it was keeping me off the mountain bike. So as I awoke at the crack of noon, I figured it was time to mount up the fixie again. As I was driving back to my house I was trying to think of an original loop that hadn't already been done. About half way home it dawned on me; weather be damned, I would put on my long underwear and invent a fixie loop called "Shot Run". Literally as I was driving, I passed Drunk Cody and his pal Badass Brandon. I pulled over immediately and asked them if they had it in em to do a single speed loop called "Shot Run". With no follow up questions at all they got on there bikes and ripped with me on one of the funnest bike loops (mountain or otherwise) that I've ever done!
PBRs at my house started things off...

(BTW. i saved all the receipts and each whiskey is rated out of 10 by level of kick-ass)

3 Well Whiskeys @ Road34 = $9 (benchmark 7/10)

3 Well Whiskeys @ JJs Tavern = $10.50 (Kentucky Bow 3/10)

Cig on the move before the 1st climb to "open up the lungs"

3 hot rigs

3 Well Whiskeys @ Canyon Grill - $9 (Jim Beam 7/10) (also 3 Busch Heavys)

A quick stop to mellow the fuck out. (Cody made that shirt the day before)

Supermannin down the north dam into a headwind. Sick!

3 Well Whiskeys at Swing Station=$9 (Early Times 6/10)

3 Well Whiskeys @ The Long Branch=$9 (Old Crow 8/10)

3 Whiskeys on my front porch = $0 (Bulleit 9/10)

Last beer of the loop gets annihilated by my thumb! (wild... I can never thumb beers. super pumped)

Shot Run elevation profile. Some of those climbs feel as fuckin straight up as they look.

Shot Run from SPACE!

Total Cost of Shot Run = $46.50(not including tip and beers) for 3 dudes. Not Bad.
Total Fun of Shot Run = $1 Gazillion.

If you think you wanna give it a "Shot" gimme a call. I'm ready to try it again. Hell, maybe backwards next time!

Stay dangerous chums.
Crankin N Stankin,
Zness da Pness

Fruita Finale

2010-05-16T16:39:00.000-07:00

After 2 nights of getting hammered, riding bikes, and sleeping in the desert, we were definitely ready for more. Meister, Schuyler, and I rolled over to 18 road to shred the bookcliff trails, campout, and to basically keep the bender rollin.
The thing about these trails is that most of them are beginner-type fun runs. It would be a great place to take a beginner mountain biker (or even an outdoorsy date) to rip around, camp out, and just have fun. It's kind of weird seeing so many full suspension bikes out there when most of these trails are perfect for single speed rigids or 29rs (hell, most of the trails are in a cattle field). Schuyler and Meister both had rigid 29rs, and I figured that I might as well just shred my fixed gear. Although Zippity Do Da has up and down tech with really steep lines and drops. It is pretty much the funnest expert trail out there and is great for a full suspension rig, but still not necessary.
I assumed all the trails to be pretty mellow and decided to do the first loop on a trail I had never actually ridden before. So without knowing the terrain, we dropped into Joe's Ridge on our single speeds. I'm not gonna lie, ripping that trail on my fixed gear was so fuckin insane, fun, and mostly scary as shit. I definitely had a few cocktails beforehand and was feelin loose, but I had the attitude that if shit got gnarly, I could always clip out and walk. But typically, once I was pointed down I just kept on shredding. (although I did have to step off on one super steep roll-in to a hard banked left that just doesn't seem possible fixed without blowing the corner). It was one of the funnest most intense loops that I've ever done on a bike. I even aired out on a lip getting more air on that bike than I ever have before. I popped er up so high I actually stopped the back tire from moving while in mid air then I landed and rode away clean. So fun. I was so fuckin pumped. I used to think that fixed mountain biking was for trendy, masochistic jerk-offs, but now that I find myself doing it more and more, there really is a flowing, fun, methodical nature to it. Either that or I'm a trendy masochistic jerk off. Oh... and a drunk.

Rippers Rippin. Meister and Schuyler are maniacs.

Schuyler with the hammer back on our 'gun run'. Mountain bikes, booze, and bullets were meant to be.

Shuttled night shredding means no pedaling, and a shot and a beer between every run until someone gives up or crashes. We were at it til 3 in the morning.

This is how we spent every night on the trip. Head in the dirt.

Schuyler grabbin water with a view back of Zippity Do Da. I love this photo.

If you've never been out there before, hopefully some of this info gives you an idea on what to expect. It really is a fucking blast with something for every kind of rider (especially the drunk kind). It might be a bitch to head out that way in the middle of the summer, because it gets hot as shit in June, July, and August. But the climate in spring and fall is perfect for riding all day and passing out under the stars at night.
Those were some of the highlights. Sorry for being so long winded, but a lot of shit went down out west. Keep kickin ass.
Zness

Fruita Part 2

2010-05-16T16:18:00.000-07:00

During George's race Schuyler, Meister, and myself took off to the kokopelli trails to go ride one of the funnest loops in Fruita called the "Horse Theif Bench Loop" (for the most fun, do this loop clockwise). It's full of shelves, drops, fun descents and climbs. It's one of my favorites but by no means have I seen everything yet. It starts off with a section of trail that is nasty even to walk with clipless shoes on. It's a burly-off camber-dusty-high commitment-long-ass-fall-off-the-side-of-a-cliff kind of section of trail. We were lucky enough to come upon it while a guy was attempting it on his Yeti 575. After 3 heart stopping attempts he finally got it. He took more of a trials riding approach to it, but hey, whatever works. He nearly got bucked off the edge a couple times and that shit is scary to watch. Also, you wouldn't want to go OTB on those ledges because you would definitely be fucked.

Schuyler and I on our final "Underwear Run" at the 18 hour of Fruita race.

The man on the Yeti on his first attempt at the Horse Theif Bench. Completely ridiculous.

One of countless drops on the Horse Thief Loop that makes it so much damn fun.

Schuyler trying to piss into the Colorado River from high above. A portion of Horse Thief Loop can be seen in the upper right.

Meister and Schuyler kickin back.

After that day was over, we went back to the New Belgium party and burned it down again. It was a damn good time... Next, we were on our way to the bookcliffs on 18 road for the next couple of days.

That'll be next. Later. Zness

18 Hours of Fruita

2010-05-12T17:03:00.000-07:00

Got a few days off to head out and do some bikin on the western slope. I met up with Schuyler and Meister to "support" our pal Shred Nettles on his duo 18 hour race. By "support" I mean trying to slug a 30 rack of PBR and a 1.75 of whiskey in 18 hours (which we did, and then a little more for good measure...) George and his partner Rad Randy ended up taking 2nd in an unbelievably long ass race. They both put down 117 miles in 18 hours. Absolutely sick. The track was pretty mellow as far as shredding goes, but ripping it for that long is something that I don't think I'm ready for. We all knew George could shred a mountain bike, but coming in 2nd in a race like that shows that he's a real deal athlete.

Nettles and I on a pre race fun lap. I ripped my fixie on a lot of trail this weekend.

Rachel was the real "support" keeping george alive with delicious hot food after every lap for the whole 18 hours.

Epic Jim Beam guitar solo. Face melting shred.

Shy-lock kept the tunes and booze rockin the whole time. We were a goddamn mobile party unit.

Shred Nettles and Rad Randy finally got to drink a booze after a long ass race. They fuckin rip.

After the race we all went to ride a ton more trails in the area. I'll post up more as soon as this goddamn hangover goes away. It was so bad this morning that I actually drank the water while I was in the shower. I just couldn't help it. I was dry as shit!

Tip up, homeys.

Zness

Timber to Howard Loop

2010-05-05T19:10:00.000-07:00

Eddie Herbs and I shredded the Timber to Howard loop today for the first time. As always, that Timber climb is gnarly. I don't really see a day when I'll ever clean it. If you can, holy shit... good for you. Then we ripped down Howard and at one point during the descent, it was heard to be described as "burly". There are lots of sniper rocks to plug your front tire into and a nice long fall down the side of the cliff if you wreck (especially if you don't get clipped out). But there is one helluva view once you come around Aurther's Rock to drop into it. The photo doesn't do it justice, but when you come around it looks almost straight down onto the reservior. I think it's probably one of the best view from any of the front range trails.

This tree blew over across the trail at the top of Timber from the winds this week.

View from where Howard and Timber meet.

View from the drop in to the Howard single-track. Straight down.

Elevation profile from the Lory parking lot and back. The highlighted section is the Howard descent.

Loop Tracks

Well, I'm headed to Fruita to rip and watch fellow Jewel-Groupie Shred Nettles race in some enduro thang. He's pretty much cooler than you anyways.

Zness Da Pness

Spring Game/Dos Montañas

2010-04-22T20:11:00.000-07:00

Marcus and I celebrated the Husker Red/White spring game by heading out and looping 2/3 of the Tres Montañas bounty. We ripped from Soderburg lot up the to the park, wathan, up spring creek to mill creek then down sawmill. I highlighted the sawmill portion of the loop in the elevation profile.

marcus at the top of mill creek

Dos Montañas (sawmill highlighted)

Timber Trail

2010-04-22T13:01:00.000-07:00

A couple of days ago I went out and rode Timber as an out and back. Eddie and I blasted up there only to find out he forgot his clipless shoes. So I shredded and he ended up at the jump park. Here's some stats from the ride. I think next time I'll probably rip the Howard trail loop.

Out and Back Map

Elevation Profile

View at the Top

Eddie Herbs says "Don't be an Eddie Herbs, Remember your shoes..."

Michaud Bounty

2010-04-14T22:07:00.001-07:00

I went out on arguably the nicest day this year to shred the Michaud Bounty but couldn't get a time down due to trail use (cool with me. still a really nice ride). Maybe I'll ride before noon one of these days when it ain't so busy and lay down a time. I still managed to snap a few pics from the lookout where it starts. I really love those ultra clear days with them baby blue skies.

Anyways, here's all the stats I said I'd keep for the bounties. They're really just something for you to do when you taking a break between your sessions on RedTube.com.

(click to enlarge)

Zness Da Pness

Horsetooth Overrun

2010-04-14T21:43:00.000-07:00

No wonder we were voted the skinniest city in the country.

http://www.collegian.com/index.php/article/2010/04/040110_thin

It seems that every sunny day the ENTIRE TOWN of FC climbs Horsetooth Rock. This is just one photo from one instance, but believe me there were even more people on that rock than are in this photo.

(click to enlarge... it looks like a traffic jam up there)

Anyways, just another nice day of ridin Wathan. It was so clear I popped a pic of Longs Peak from the fire road. Always a great view from the south rim.

I'll pop an elevation profile of this ride for those who have any interest after I ride it again.

Oh, and here's a quick analogy if you've ever taken the SATs. (although the SATs got rid of analogies this year...)

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ChatRoulette : Overrun by Dudes Jacking Off
MTBR Forums : Overrun by Jackoffs.
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For reals yo.
Zness Da Pness

Old Skool 2

2010-04-09T17:37:00.000-07:00

Don't think that I've forgot about "old skooL" photos either. Here's another oldie but goodie...

Old skool trials comp behind 34. This guy has the right idea.

(click to enlarge)

Aunt Bettie Drop.

Foothills Descent

2010-04-09T17:26:00.000-07:00

Wow. I really just couldn't get around to updating this thing for the longest time. I didn't have internet at the house and it was a pain in the ass. Anyways, we just got internet at the house and I will try to take a few minutes after each ride to put up some photos or profiles. Hopefully it'll be worth a look all season long.

For all you fools who did the bounty, I went out and mapped the elevation profile for it. If anyone has the helmet cam footage from the bounty, let me know. I really want to see it.

Keep shreddin, y'alls.

Zness Da Pness

(click to enlarge)

Old Skool Part One

2010-02-17T13:21:00.000-08:00

This week there's still snow on the trails, and to top it off, the hub is shot on my fixed. Not much interesting bike news. Don't worry though, I've planned for this eventuality by deciding to post "Old Skool" photos when there ain't no bike news you can use.

This time we travel back to that wonderful, magical summer of 2004 when we were often reminded that there wasn't a damn thing that Danimal couldn't shred!

click to enlarge. (puffin on that cig! Flaming Egg in the background!!!)

First Post - It's Fixin Season

2010-02-12T15:27:00.000-08:00

First off. Welcome to my new blog. The idea of this blog is just to throw up rants and opinions from people who ride in Fort Collins everyday. If it's just me posting, this blog definitely isn't worth checking everyday, but hopefully others might join up and let everyone know what's going on on the mean streets of ol' Fort Collins.

Anyways: We've been under some snow for the last 3 months, and that means no dirt for awhile. So I've been blasting the single speed around the reservoir just to get some climbing in. Also, ripping downhill on the fix is pretty damn fun (and intense). Here's a couple of elevation profiles I made of some common rides around the Fort.

This first one is up and over Bingham, through LaPorte, and back again.

click to enlarge

This one starts by climbing the hill behind the football stadium, north around the reservoir, up Bingham and back again. (this one sure makes bingham look tiny...)

click to enlarge
Keep rockin and rollin! Join up and let me know what the fuck is going on in your world.